The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
Night Court
It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court. Police had rounded up a collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge.
Three hookers, all arrested on the same corner, stood before him.
He asked the first what she had to say for herself.
The young woman was irate, "I have no idea what this is all about, your Honor. I am a college student doing research for a term paper."
Sighing, the Judge said, "Young lady, I would have thought you'd done enough 'research' by now. My computer indicates you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine."
He then turned to the second woman and asked that she testify.
She began to cry and said, "Judge, I am only a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I don't understand why I was arrested."
The Judge shook his head and said, "Well, the officer tells me that he observed you handing a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' who was sitting in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine."
The Judge then turned to the third woman and asked her occupation.
"I'm a hooker," she calmly replied.
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said,
"So, how's business?"
"It's terrible, Judge," she replied. "With all these housewives and students around, competition is very tough!"
Three hookers, all arrested on the same corner, stood before him.
He asked the first what she had to say for herself.
The young woman was irate, "I have no idea what this is all about, your Honor. I am a college student doing research for a term paper."
Sighing, the Judge said, "Young lady, I would have thought you'd done enough 'research' by now. My computer indicates you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine."
He then turned to the second woman and asked that she testify.
She began to cry and said, "Judge, I am only a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I don't understand why I was arrested."
The Judge shook his head and said, "Well, the officer tells me that he observed you handing a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' who was sitting in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine."
The Judge then turned to the third woman and asked her occupation.
"I'm a hooker," she calmly replied.
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said,
"So, how's business?"
"It's terrible, Judge," she replied. "With all these housewives and students around, competition is very tough!"
Letter from Father
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read real fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your mom read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we decided to move 30 miles down the road. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it, though. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the ain. We haven't seen 'em since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off -- you' ll find 'em in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your momma out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back and drowned -- they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Uncle,
Dad
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it, though. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the ain. We haven't seen 'em since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off -- you' ll find 'em in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your momma out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back and drowned -- they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Uncle,
Dad
Penis' Autobiography
When I get big & hard they put a plastic bag over my head, shove me into a small warm damp cave & bang my head against a wall untill i throw up & faint!
I dont wanna live anymore!
HAHAHAHHA - Hilarious
I dont wanna live anymore!
HAHAHAHHA - Hilarious
Men, This is all we can expect!
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.
In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her cell phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of more shops on the way to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit!
It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care.
And taking care of him will now be your career!'
The woman was feeling so overwhelmed with guilt she broke down and began sobbing.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'
In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her cell phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of more shops on the way to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit!
It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care.
And taking care of him will now be your career!'
The woman was feeling so overwhelmed with guilt she broke down and began sobbing.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'
The Rules - Men have to read this
- The female always makes the rules.
- The rules are subject to change at any given point of time.
- The female can change her mind at any given point of time.
- The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.
- The female is never wrong.
- If the female seems wrong, it is because of some flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
- If the rule above applies, the male must apologize immediately forcausing the misunderstanding.
- The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
- The male must remain calm at all times unless the female WANTS him tobe angry or upset.
- Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
- If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.
- The male cannot, under any circumstances, diagnose PMS.
The Big Hole
Two blondes are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."
"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.
"Wow. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on her face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise." The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two women, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two women are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two gals seen my sheep out here?"
"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"
"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was chained to a railroad tie."
"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.
"Wow. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on her face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise." The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two women, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two women are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two gals seen my sheep out here?"
"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"
"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was chained to a railroad tie."
For best results, put on two coats
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these Blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.So, she Decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going toPaint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her Husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of Paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the Floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy Parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks Her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she Replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are Dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She Replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it Said....
You'll love this...
Yep. I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going toPaint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her Husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of Paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the Floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy Parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks Her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she Replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are Dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She Replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it Said....
You'll love this...
Yep. I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
Tarzan
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed ‘What the hell did you do that for!?’ Tarzan replied, ‘Always check for squirrels.’
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed ‘What the hell did you do that for!?’ Tarzan replied, ‘Always check for squirrels.’
Charging her Husband for sex
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. “Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied.
“But all he ever wants is sex, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. ” Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied.
“But all he ever wants is sex, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. ” Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”
Nun at the Gas Station
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
Lawyers and Farmers
The son of a cocky from outback Queensland goes off to study Law at university. Not half way through the semester he has blown all of his money on the high city life.
He calls home. 'Dad, you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane Uni that will teach a dog how to talk.'
'Bloody amazing!' his Dad says. 'Could we get Ol' Blue into the program?'
'No worries, just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him into the course.'
So father sends down the dog and $2,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.
'Awesome Dad! He'd talk ya bloody head off. But you just won't believe this. He's such a brilliant talker, they'd like him to have a go in the reading class!'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! Jeez, I knew he was smart. Can you get Ol' Blue into that program?'
'Just send $4,500. He's as good as in.'
As quick as the money arrives, it is spent.
At the end of the term the young bloke realises a problem...When he goes home for the holidays, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So on the way home he stops and shoots the dog.
When he arrives home his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him and see him read something!'
'Dad,' the boy says, 'It all had a bad outcome. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room reading the Wall Street Journal. Out of nowhere he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your dad still rooting that little redhead barmaid from the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I'll have to shoot that bastard before he blabs to your Mother!'
'I already did, Dad!'
'Good boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.
He calls home. 'Dad, you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane Uni that will teach a dog how to talk.'
'Bloody amazing!' his Dad says. 'Could we get Ol' Blue into the program?'
'No worries, just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him into the course.'
So father sends down the dog and $2,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.
'Awesome Dad! He'd talk ya bloody head off. But you just won't believe this. He's such a brilliant talker, they'd like him to have a go in the reading class!'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! Jeez, I knew he was smart. Can you get Ol' Blue into that program?'
'Just send $4,500. He's as good as in.'
As quick as the money arrives, it is spent.
At the end of the term the young bloke realises a problem...When he goes home for the holidays, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So on the way home he stops and shoots the dog.
When he arrives home his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him and see him read something!'
'Dad,' the boy says, 'It all had a bad outcome. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room reading the Wall Street Journal. Out of nowhere he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your dad still rooting that little redhead barmaid from the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I'll have to shoot that bastard before he blabs to your Mother!'
'I already did, Dad!'
'Good boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.
What causes arthritis
A drunk who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's clothes were stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response "Well, I'll be damned!"
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
The man's clothes were stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response "Well, I'll be damned!"
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
Some good news and some bad news
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
Time to Pray
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night..
"Yes sir," the boy replied.
"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.
"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."
You started it
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?”
The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
What’s WRONG with me, Doctor?
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me.
When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and I had this corpse-like look on my face!
What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me.
When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and I had this corpse-like look on my face!
What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
Watch Dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says “Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?”
The blonde replies “Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”
The man responds “Huh, that’s interesting. Why did you name them such names?”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?”
The blonde replies “Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”
The man responds “Huh, that’s interesting. Why did you name them such names?”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?”
Equal Rights
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
"To My Dear Wife. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference:
"18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18."
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."
"To My Dear Wife. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference:
"18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18."
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."
Mans Heart
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high
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