Sardar goes to a quiz...

I'm sure you are gonna love this

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean , has its name based on
which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT

Sardar gives up.

SCROLL DOWN.......

If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then
please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he
changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of
the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

Sardar's confidence

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh Sing Dhindsa from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," George Bush replied, "This is indeed important news!
"How big is your army"?

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from my Pind (village). That makes eight"

George Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" George Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

George Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri maa di ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the Pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Rajpura have joined us as well!"

George Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera beda gark hove.... khad jaa . . . " said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said George Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"

>>>>> "Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

BOLO TARA RARA !!!!!

Thats not mine

Ravi and Santa were working in a building site when suddnely Santa lets out a loud scream!
"whats wrong are you ok?" asked Ravi
"no that machibe has cut my ear off!" said Santa .
"dont panic, we will find it asap and hospital can sew it back on!" said ravi .
After 5 mins of searching Ravi shouts " i found it get over here!"
Santa runs over and on seeing it looks dissapointed and starts crying "what is wrong with you i have found your ear?" says Ravi
"thats not mine cries Santa , mine had a pencil behind it!"

Special Offer This Week

Fed up with people making fun of him, Santa Singh (the sardar) decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant.

One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, He called Santa D'Costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him.

Santa told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do.

Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"

Woman: " I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional.

He said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"

Man: "Three times"

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

Santa, a quick learner, told the priest that he understood the job and the priest could leave. Santa D'costa was now alone. A few minutes later another woman entered and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Santa: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery"

Santa: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once"

Santa: "Go do it two more times; we have a special offer this week, three times for $ 5.00"

American Sardar Complaints

1. I want some repairs done to my wife's cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in my back passage.

3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove and change my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00 am his c*ck wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

You tell me which should I have hit?

Cop: How did you kill 50 people in a car crash?

Santa: I suddenly lost control.

Cop: Then what happened?

Santa: I saw 2 people on the right & a wedding party on the left. You tell me which should I have hit?

Cop: The 2 people on the right would have certainly caused less damage.

Santa: Exactly what I thought! I hit the 1st one but then the other one person ran into the wedding so I went after him!

Balle Balle - Another Collection of Sardarji Jokes

Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

--

Santa travelling 1'st time in plane going 2 mumbai.While its landing, he shouted 'Bombay...Bombay'.
Airhostess said "B silent"...Santa said "OK"...Ombay Ombay

--

"Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out

--

Bhola Singh brags to his friends, "You know in Dubai everything is free, Taxi, Hotel, Drinks, Shows, so far as even Sex is free.
The friend asked, "Yes, when did you go to Dubai?"
Bhola explained, "Not me Pal, My wife went there."

--

A Sardar decides to kill his unfaithful wife and himself. He put the gun on his own forehead and told his wife while pulling the trigger,
"Don't feel so glad about this, next it’s your turn!!!!"

--

Dr. Manish, a psychotherapist, employed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the words, and left for his clinic.
On his return in the evening, he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. It read,
Dr. Manish
Psycho The Rapist

--

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now".
Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

--

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital.
Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank to God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."
Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!

Sardar Jokes Collection

Sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,
1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha

Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhe 1 problem hai
DR: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt

Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun

A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega :P

Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

Sardar: Yar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k lye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye

1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya.
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

I will marry again

Santa’s wife dies. He is calm, but his wife’s lover is crying furiously…
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don’t worry buddy, I will marry again

Santa - Banta The Great

Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar peg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
-
∙ Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
-
∙ Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
-
∙ Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
-
∙ Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
-
∙ Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
-
∙ An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
-
∙ Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

∙ Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
-
∙ Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more
-
∙ Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
-
∙ A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
-
∙ Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
-
∙ Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
-
∙ Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
-
∙ Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
-
∙ Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!

Santa-Banta and Robbers

Once Santa & Banta were traveling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace.Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only. 
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards, Banta

*Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?*

Santa at an IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainity only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.


When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

Banta's Funny Interview

Interviewer :Let me check your word Power…

Banta :Ok Sir ….

Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of …..good.

Banta :hmmmm….. Bad

Interviewer : Come

Banta : Go.

Interviewer : Ugly.

Banta : Pichlli.

Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?

Banta : UGLYYYYYYYYY. .

Interviewer : Shut Up.

Banta : Keep Talking.

Interviewer :o k now stop these all..

Banta:ok now carry on this all

Interviewer :abe…chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa

Banta:abe bolta rah..bolta rah…bolta rahhh

Interviewer :Areeee yaaar

Banta: areeee dushmannnnnn

Interviewer : Get Out.

Banta : Come In.

Interviewer : Oh my God.

Banta : Oh my Devil.

Interviewer : U r Rejected.

Banta: I m selected…I M SELECTED???REALLY? ? BALLE BALLE…O BALLE BALLE…O BALLE BALLE…

Sardar O Mania

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go. *


*
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first. *

* *

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


*

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it.... *

* *


A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR


*

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in
his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving.. *

* * * *
*
A Teacher lecturing on population:

"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. " *


*
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening
not in the morning?"

Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.*


*
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!" *


*
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping. *


*
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!! *


*Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
*


*
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe
haath!!" *


**



*
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and
says "please recharge your card" *


*
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni
painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them
rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two
Coats" *


*
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur
password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258" *


*
Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the
blackboard... BOLO tarara!! *


*
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........ *


*
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears
using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!! *

When Santa gets Angry

Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Banta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Java interview attended by Sardarji

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and auto rickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections

Maybe, she didn't get the fax

Banta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found Preeto in another man's arms.

Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't get the fax."

Cholesterol Free

Sardar starts shouting in a store......

where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this

Sardar: it is written CHOLESTEROL FREE.

Sardar Interview

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?

Sardar : Simple, stop imagining.