Redneck Thanksgiving

You might be a redneck if ....

You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a ping-pong table.

Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

You've ever re-used a paper plate.

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.

Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.

Your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.

Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

You serve Vienna sausage as an appetizer.

You Might Be A Redneck If:

You Might Be A Redneck If:

* You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

* Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

* You've ever re-used a paper plate.

* If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

* If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

* On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

Things I Can Only Say This Week At Thanksgiving And Get Away With It

• Talk about a huge breast.
• Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
• It's cool whip time.
• If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
• Whew, that's one terrific spread!
• I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
• Are you ready for seconds yet?
• It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
• Just wait your turn, you'll get some.
• Don't play with your meat!
• Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
• Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
• I didn't expect everyone to come at once.
• You still have a little bit on your chin.
• How long will it take after you stick it in?
• You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
• Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
• That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
• How long do I beat it before it's ready?
• Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce.
• Is that hole good and stuffed?
• Should I wrap that for you?
• I've done my part, now I just want to sleep.

Thanksgiving Story

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you and threw the door.

Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin.

From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin.

My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door.

As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I.

I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in.

I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can't put any more in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it, I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within. Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender.

I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.

Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating you more, with every taste.

"Oh yes", I say to you,

I must say Grace "Thank God for Butterball turkey.... Amen"