Showing posts with label Funny Sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Sports. Show all posts

The Laws of Golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up" or else invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

Things in Golf that Sound Dirty

  1. Look at the size of his putter.
  2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
  3. You really waked the hell out of that sucker.
  4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
  5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
  6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
  7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
  8. Just turn your back and drop it.
  9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
  10. Damn, I missed the hole again.