An Indian goes to Hell

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell , the Russian hell and many more.
He finds that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed,
And the devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."

Devil vs Politician

Three men : a philosopher, a mathematician and a politician, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don`t know or cannot answer, then you`re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you`ll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates` teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared.The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

Politician then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat" The Devil did just that. Politician then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right." Wrong," said politician, "it`s from my asshole."

Politician went to Heaven!

Punishment in Hell

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".

You're gonna love hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee that sounds great!

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You know it!

Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why, yes I do.

Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!

Demon: Are You gay?

Guy: No....

Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

Coffee Break

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries.
The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee.
On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"