French fighter pilot

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, “Pierre, kiss me!” Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips.

“What are you doing, Pierre?” says the startled Marie. “I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!” She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. “Pierre! What are you doing?”, asks the bewildered Marie. “I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!” They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, “Pierre, kiss me lower!” Our hero, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, “PIERRE, what in the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, “I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!”

Five cannibals at an air base.

Five cannibals get jobs as contractors at an air base.
During their orientation, the First Sergeant says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the chow hall for something to eat. So please don’t trouble any of the other personnel”.
The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the First Sergeant returns and says, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Airmen has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”
The cannibals all shake their heads no.
After the First Sergeant has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, “Which of you idiots ate the Airman?”
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Lieutenants, Captains and Majors and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat an Airman!”

German Pilot

An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.

The Nazi admitted that he did have a favor to ask. “The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you drop it over Germany?”

“Sure, pal.”

It was a pretty weird request, but the pilot was happy to oblige and came back to tell him the mission had been carried out.

The grateful German gasped his thanks, and another request. “The other leg got very bad, they had to cut it off. Could this, too, be dropped over my homeland? It would mean a great deal to me.”

The American shrugged, but returned two days later with the news that the job was done.

“Many thanks,” whispered the downed Nazi, now ashen faced and unable to lift his head from the pillow. “I have just one final request. Last night they had to amputate my right arm…”

“Now hang on just a darn minute,” interrupted the American angrily. “Are you trying to escape?”

Budget Air force

The Hercules and the F-15s

A couple of F-15’s are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes ‘round to the relative merits of their respective aircraft. Of course the fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, while the putting down the Herc’s deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, “Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you’d only dream about.” Naturally, the fighter jocks challenge him to demonstrate.

“Just watch,” comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level..

After several minutes the Herc pilot comes back on the air, saying “There! How was that?”

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, “What are you talking about? What did you do?”

And the Herc pilot replies, “Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back an took a leak.”