Little Naughty Quotes

• A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. 
• I`m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
• It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
• Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
• A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
• I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.
• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
• A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.
• Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie.
• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
• I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
• Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.
• Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
• An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.
• Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies.
• I'm definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I'll never have a problem with that.
• I am skilled at the art of love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush.
• I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands.
• A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available.
• A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
• I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
• It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.
• The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.
• Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.
• Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
• We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.