Socrates
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?”
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test”. “Triple filter?” “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” “No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and …” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not.
Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?” “No, on the contrary …”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?” “No, not really.”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is not true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend and his wife.
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test”. “Triple filter?” “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” “No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and …” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not.
Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?” “No, on the contrary …”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?” “No, not really.”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is not true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend and his wife.
When you die, what song do you want played at your funeral?
When you die, what song do you want played at your funeral?
Or at your memorial, or at whatever ceremony you plan for your family to
organize.
here are some of the choices already posted , you can add ur own :
Or at your memorial, or at whatever ceremony you plan for your family to
organize.
here are some of the choices already posted , you can add ur own :
- Baby Come Back!
- Ding dong the witch is dead.
- if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands (everyone claps)
- Desperado--by the Eagles
- Wasted on the Way.
- "Hallelujah" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
- Sympathy for the Devil, Rolling Stones -- I'm taking his job!
- Old and Wise by Alan Parsons Project
- Several Species Of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And
- Grooving With A Pict by Pink Floyd -- That'll be one funeral they won't be likely to forget.
- I'd like a medley of Village People hits. In the Navy and Kung Fu fighting are particularly apropos.
- Motorhead's ORGASMATRON
- "Thriller". I'd like the participants to learn the dance as well, and do it over my body.
- (Always Look On) The Bright Side of Life-Monty Python --- The way I figure it, I've spent the last 35 years being a smart@ss, I may as well go out on the same note.
The Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.11,50,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.11,50,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"
Charm school
Two informally dressed ladies started conversing during an endless wait in the LAX airport.
The conversation turned to children. The first woman, from New York, started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The second woman, a genteel Southerner, commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a crap?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious"
The conversation turned to children. The first woman, from New York, started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The second woman, a genteel Southerner, commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a crap?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious"
A bear and a bunny
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"?
The bunny says "No".
So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.
Irish detective
A dangerous criminal had escaped, so the police issued the usual photographs: left profile, front view, and right profile. A few days later they received the following telegram from an Irish detective:
"Have captured the fellow on the left, and the fellow in the middle, and at the rate I'm going it won't be long before I get the fellow on the right as well".
"Have captured the fellow on the left, and the fellow in the middle, and at the rate I'm going it won't be long before I get the fellow on the right as well".
Kiss for Trade
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
You are Bad Luck
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
PMS STANDS FOR
THE TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
14. Pass My Shotgun
13. Psychotic Mood Shift
12. Pack My Stuff
11. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
10. Perpetual Munching Spree
9. Puffy Mid-Section
8. People Make me Sick
7. Provide Me with Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
5. Pimples May Surface
4. Pass My Sweatpants
3. Pissy Mood Syndrome
2. Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS stands for......
Who Cares? I'm not in the mood to play this crap anymore!!
14. Pass My Shotgun
13. Psychotic Mood Shift
12. Pack My Stuff
11. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
10. Perpetual Munching Spree
9. Puffy Mid-Section
8. People Make me Sick
7. Provide Me with Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
5. Pimples May Surface
4. Pass My Sweatpants
3. Pissy Mood Syndrome
2. Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS stands for......
Who Cares? I'm not in the mood to play this crap anymore!!
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