Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.
It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.
Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:
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% Just A Friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Alex, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"
Alex: "Where are you going Sharon??"
Sharon: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).
********
% Good Friend %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Alex calls: "Hi Sharon",
Sharon: "Hi Alex. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"
(Sharon calls back after two days)
Sharon: "What do you want Alex? Why did you call that day?".
Alex: "Generally".
Sharon: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
********
% Very good friend %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Sharon: "You know Alex, Jason is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl".
Alex: "Who is Jason??"
Sharon : "My boyfriend."
Alex: Oh! ok. :-(
********
% Best Friend %
You are like the Cab driver. She can't live without you.
And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.
Alex Shopping. Alex Movie. Alex Coffee. Alex,you pay. I am having fun.
Alex is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Sharon: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Alex. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."
Alex: What?? (Alex drinks all night).
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% Best of the Bestest Friends %
Ok now you are really special.
You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in Creek city or Defence area.
Sharon: "Hi Alex. I am getting engaged to Jason. Jason this is Alex, he is my bestest friend".
Alex: Hi Jason . (Hand shake. Jason breaks Alex's wrist).
Alex is now heart broken and wrist broken.
********
% Boyfriend %
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!
********
Now ~ where you stand?
Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W”?
Becoz most of the Questions in the world starts with W ..
What ?
Why ?
Who ?
When ?
Which ?
Where ?
Whom ?
Women?
What ?
Why ?
Who ?
When ?
Which ?
Where ?
Whom ?
Women?
Don't copy if you can't paste
A well-known motivational speakergathering the entire crowd's attention,
said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
wasn't my wife !"
The crowd was shocked!!!!!!!!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training
decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in
his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second
half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't
remember who she was !"
As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
wasn't my wife !"
The crowd was shocked!!!!!!!!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training
decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in
his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second
half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't
remember who she was !"
As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
God isn't deaf
Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandmother's house. At bed time, they knelt down to say their prayers. As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, "Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope and a new bike."
His older brother said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." "I know," said his brother, "but Grandma is."
His older brother said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." "I know," said his brother, "but Grandma is."
I can't find it - Hilarious
Norman was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
Aussie sayings for I need to go for a pee
I need to go for a pee:
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes hiss."
"Gotta go have a slash."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Time to splatter the bladder."
"I'm dying for a piss ! so bad I can taste it."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes hiss."
"Gotta go have a slash."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Time to splatter the bladder."
"I'm dying for a piss ! so bad I can taste it."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
A ten-dollar bill, A bible, and A bottle of whiskey
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career ... so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ..."
"Our son is going to be a politician!"
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ..."
"Our son is going to be a politician!"
Ways to get your girlfriend to break it off!
Return her phone calls after a delay -- if at all -- to show her who's in charge.
When you do call her, don't feel obligated to stop talking with whomever is in the room with you.
Provide her the luxury of listening to your half of an ongoing conversation.
Call her answering machine and leave a message for an old girlfriend by mistake.
Get angry if her line is ever busy and you can't get through when you call. Then get even angrier when she finally gets call waiting and puts you on hold.
When you're over her house and her phone rings, ask accusingly, "I wonder who that could be."
During those first few moments of intimacy, when she asks if you have protection and you don't, lie.
She won't mind once things get going.
Stake your claim: leave a "love bite" high up on her neck or some other noticeable place.
Answer her phone at 6am when her mother calls.
At the beach, offer to rub suntan lotion on her back.
Spread it on in nifty patterns.
Tell the waiter you're both ready to order when she's obviously not.
Order for her at dinner without asking her what she'd like to eat.
Act insulted when she swoons over Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, then wistle loudly and wave at Michelle Pfeiffer during Batman Returns.
Share a story about something great you did together, then, seeing her puzzled expression, say, "Oh I guess that wasn't you after all."
Talk to the dog instead of her.
Say "The dog likes me better."
Be sure to greet her when she gets home from work with the three words no woman can hear often enough: "What's for dinner?"
Ask her to make you apple pie like your mom used to make, then grimace after tasting it.
Leave the toilet seat up, especially during the night-- she's more likely to fall in that way.
Forget which day her birthday is, then send a belated greeting with a sorrowful-eyed kitten on it.
Use the vacation money you've both been saving to buy a Widescreen LCD TV.
Talk baby talk to her when she's in a bad mood.
"Accidentally" read her diary, then confront her about its contents.
Act like nothing is wrong after a big fight. Say, "Wanna go to a movie."
When she's sticking to her diet and you're out on the town together, be sure to order her favorite dessert for yourself.
Recommend your ex-girlfriend's exercise class to her.
Buy her a "Buns of Steel" workout tape.
Then buy her the Cindy Crawford workout tape for your own viewing pleasure.
As you fondle her breasts during an intimate moment, murmur in her ear:
"Ah, the smaller the grapes, the sweeter the wine."
Tell her you're not impressed by gorgeous, slender glamour girls, you'd rather come home to her.
Give her other backhanded compliments, such as "Black is so slimming" or "Your skin has really cleared up."
Leave your underwear all over the floor and complain "This place is a mess"
Push her head down to indicate you'd like a blowjob.
Call out another woman's name at the moment of climax.
If it was all over in 30 seconds or less, dare to ask, "Was it good for you."
Say, "Honey, I introducted you to my parents as my friend because I think of you as a friend. A really good friend. You're a girl and you're my friend. They know you're a girl, so I just say 'friend.'"
When you do call her, don't feel obligated to stop talking with whomever is in the room with you.
Provide her the luxury of listening to your half of an ongoing conversation.
Call her answering machine and leave a message for an old girlfriend by mistake.
Get angry if her line is ever busy and you can't get through when you call. Then get even angrier when she finally gets call waiting and puts you on hold.
When you're over her house and her phone rings, ask accusingly, "I wonder who that could be."
During those first few moments of intimacy, when she asks if you have protection and you don't, lie.
She won't mind once things get going.
Stake your claim: leave a "love bite" high up on her neck or some other noticeable place.
Answer her phone at 6am when her mother calls.
At the beach, offer to rub suntan lotion on her back.
Spread it on in nifty patterns.
Tell the waiter you're both ready to order when she's obviously not.
Order for her at dinner without asking her what she'd like to eat.
Act insulted when she swoons over Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, then wistle loudly and wave at Michelle Pfeiffer during Batman Returns.
Share a story about something great you did together, then, seeing her puzzled expression, say, "Oh I guess that wasn't you after all."
Talk to the dog instead of her.
Say "The dog likes me better."
Be sure to greet her when she gets home from work with the three words no woman can hear often enough: "What's for dinner?"
Ask her to make you apple pie like your mom used to make, then grimace after tasting it.
Leave the toilet seat up, especially during the night-- she's more likely to fall in that way.
Forget which day her birthday is, then send a belated greeting with a sorrowful-eyed kitten on it.
Use the vacation money you've both been saving to buy a Widescreen LCD TV.
Talk baby talk to her when she's in a bad mood.
"Accidentally" read her diary, then confront her about its contents.
Act like nothing is wrong after a big fight. Say, "Wanna go to a movie."
When she's sticking to her diet and you're out on the town together, be sure to order her favorite dessert for yourself.
Recommend your ex-girlfriend's exercise class to her.
Buy her a "Buns of Steel" workout tape.
Then buy her the Cindy Crawford workout tape for your own viewing pleasure.
As you fondle her breasts during an intimate moment, murmur in her ear:
"Ah, the smaller the grapes, the sweeter the wine."
Tell her you're not impressed by gorgeous, slender glamour girls, you'd rather come home to her.
Give her other backhanded compliments, such as "Black is so slimming" or "Your skin has really cleared up."
Leave your underwear all over the floor and complain "This place is a mess"
Push her head down to indicate you'd like a blowjob.
Call out another woman's name at the moment of climax.
If it was all over in 30 seconds or less, dare to ask, "Was it good for you."
Say, "Honey, I introducted you to my parents as my friend because I think of you as a friend. A really good friend. You're a girl and you're my friend. They know you're a girl, so I just say 'friend.'"
Never Force Men to Shop
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women; she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart :
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official sounding voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right way."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While carelessly handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Regards,
Wal-Mart
Patti Barber, Office Supervisor IAccounting Unit, Behavioral Health Services
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women; she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart :
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official sounding voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right way."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While carelessly handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Regards,
Wal-Mart
Patti Barber, Office Supervisor IAccounting Unit, Behavioral Health Services
Swanky Masked Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chick that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a "quickie." Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chick that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a "quickie." Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
Russian Military
A corporal took a company for an excursion to the zoo.
The corporal:
“And this is an enclosure with giraffes. But now they are not visible, as they are hatching out eggs in their nests.”
A soldier:
“Sir, but giraffes don’t hatch out eggs!”
The corporal:
“What?! 8-((( 40 curtseys!!!”
[ The soldier curtseys]
The corporal:
“So what have you asked?”
The soldier (choking):
“And when do they fly to the south ?”
The corporal:
“And this is an enclosure with giraffes. But now they are not visible, as they are hatching out eggs in their nests.”
A soldier:
“Sir, but giraffes don’t hatch out eggs!”
The corporal:
“What?! 8-((( 40 curtseys!!!”
[ The soldier curtseys]
The corporal:
“So what have you asked?”
The soldier (choking):
“And when do they fly to the south ?”
How cold was it?
Two men are meeting on the street.
"It was very cold this morning."
"How cold was it?"
I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer
with his hands in his own pockets."
"It was very cold this morning."
"How cold was it?"
I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer
with his hands in his own pockets."
Nasa Scientist and British Engineers
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made,and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken."
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made,and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken."
Dreaming Problem
Sophie went to see a psychiatrist about her husband.
"Doctor, My husband has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"
"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual..."
Sophie leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Jake sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake!"
"Doctor, My husband has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"
"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual..."
Sophie leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Jake sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake!"
Yes and No
A man went to the tattoo parlor and had the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife in their bedroom.
He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo.
"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.
Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"
He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo.
"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.
Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"
Aussie sayings for I'm Hungry
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a sh*t sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a sh*t sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
Water pistol
A three year old boy opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
The three year old mother was not so pleased and turned to her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
The grandmother smiled and then replied, "I remember."
The three year old mother was not so pleased and turned to her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
The grandmother smiled and then replied, "I remember."
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