-SCROLL DOWN TO SEE THE ANSWER
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
NOW SEE THE PICTURE AGAIN - YOU PERVERT
Miserable cold
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stands in the draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stands in the draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
Why are you back home so early?
Wife : "Why are you back home so early?"
Husband : At office boss told me "Go to Hell.."
Husband : At office boss told me "Go to Hell.."
Things My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Think out of the Box
Take a look at the questions below and learn how to 'Think out of the Box". Do post if you have any such QnA pairs.
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
**********
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
**********
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one)
**********
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! an elephant with one hand.
**********
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.
**********
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.
**********
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half.
**********
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Lunch and Dinner.
**********
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
**********
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
**********
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
**********
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
**********
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one)
**********
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! an elephant with one hand.
**********
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.
**********
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.
**********
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half.
**********
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Lunch and Dinner.
**********
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
**********
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
**********
Oldman's wit
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!
Claude - The famed hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT!", said the Hypnotist.
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT!", said the Hypnotist.
My husband wants me to ask you...
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
Forgive Your Enemies
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies?
About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question.
Now about 80 percent held up their hands.
He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the
congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said,
"I outlived those bitches"
About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question.
Now about 80 percent held up their hands.
He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the
congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said,
"I outlived those bitches"
Jeeves the Butler
The woman of the house decided to give their butler,
Jeeves, the rest of the night off.
She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone.
Her husband had to stay, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.
She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress." He did this carefully.
"Jeeves," she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
Jeeves, the rest of the night off.
She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone.
Her husband had to stay, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.
She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress." He did this carefully.
"Jeeves," she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
I am paid to watch the hoarding
A CEO of a top brand company used to be a very frequent flier and traveler. He usually takes the early morning flight and return back the same evening or night home and this was his regular schedule.
Every time he passed between the airport and his house he spotted an old man in his early seventies, spectacled, standing under a hoarding and staring at the sky. On many occasions he noticed that never did the old man ever look down, sideways or front. He was always looking up.
The CEO was very curious to understand what was the problem with the old chap. At freezing temperatures what is bothering this man that he has to spend the night in the cold looking at the sky.
One midnight while on his return he decided to stop and check with the old man if there was any problem. He went up to the old man and asked him “Hey, old fella you got to be at home spending time with your grandchildren but instead you are spending your time in the freezing cold in the street looking at the sky. Is there any problem that I can help you solve it”
The old man tells “ No son, I am fine and have no problem. I have chosen this on my own will. I am working for a company and I am paid to stand here and keep a watch”
CEO: What!! Paid by a company to stare at the sky!!!
Old man: Nope, you dumbo, I am paid to watch the hoarding and work for an advertising company.
CEO: What’s so great in this neon lit hoarding that you need to watch this all night except for the 5 words written and a pretty lady’s photograph on the hoarding.
“Yea exactly, that’s my job to keep watching and reporting” the old man said all along only looking up.
CEO: Can you explain to me what’s your job as I am still unable to get a clue about what’s so critical in this.
Old man: Read the advertisement
“COUNTLESS WOMEN USE THIS NAPKIN” the CEO read and said “so what”
Old man: My job is to report back to the company the moment the “O” stops glowing.
Every time he passed between the airport and his house he spotted an old man in his early seventies, spectacled, standing under a hoarding and staring at the sky. On many occasions he noticed that never did the old man ever look down, sideways or front. He was always looking up.
The CEO was very curious to understand what was the problem with the old chap. At freezing temperatures what is bothering this man that he has to spend the night in the cold looking at the sky.
One midnight while on his return he decided to stop and check with the old man if there was any problem. He went up to the old man and asked him “Hey, old fella you got to be at home spending time with your grandchildren but instead you are spending your time in the freezing cold in the street looking at the sky. Is there any problem that I can help you solve it”
The old man tells “ No son, I am fine and have no problem. I have chosen this on my own will. I am working for a company and I am paid to stand here and keep a watch”
CEO: What!! Paid by a company to stare at the sky!!!
Old man: Nope, you dumbo, I am paid to watch the hoarding and work for an advertising company.
CEO: What’s so great in this neon lit hoarding that you need to watch this all night except for the 5 words written and a pretty lady’s photograph on the hoarding.
“Yea exactly, that’s my job to keep watching and reporting” the old man said all along only looking up.
CEO: Can you explain to me what’s your job as I am still unable to get a clue about what’s so critical in this.
Old man: Read the advertisement
“COUNTLESS WOMEN USE THIS NAPKIN” the CEO read and said “so what”
Old man: My job is to report back to the company the moment the “O” stops glowing.
Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
Answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
Get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
Answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
Get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Mallu Jokes
Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala.
************ *
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
************ *
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
************ *
Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn menney.
************ *
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
************ *
What is a Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yay.
************ *
Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
************ *
Who found out that?
His Andy.
************ *
What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
************ *
What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
************ *
Who is a Malayali's famous yeactor end yaectress?
Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
************ *
Why is Kerala the most highly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.
************ *
Why are Arab countries looking only for Keralites?
They are ready to do yennything for menney.
Kerala.
************ *
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
************ *
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
************ *
Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn menney.
************ *
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
************ *
What is a Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yay.
************ *
Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
************ *
Who found out that?
His Andy.
************ *
What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
************ *
What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
************ *
Who is a Malayali's famous yeactor end yaectress?
Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
************ *
Why is Kerala the most highly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.
************ *
Why are Arab countries looking only for Keralites?
They are ready to do yennything for menney.
What women should tell men...but don’t
- The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
- The next time you and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
- If we’re watching football with you - it’s not bonding - it’s their butts.
- Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
- Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
- Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
- If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.
- The next time you make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
- If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?
- Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.
- When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.
- We don’t mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!
- When you’re out with us, please wear “our” favorite outfit rather than “yours” - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
- If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. A negative grunt.
- Don’t insist that we “get off the stupid phone” and then not talk to us.
- Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
- Cleaning the house is not necessarily “women’s work”; besides, most of the “dirt” and clutter is yours anyway.
- Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?
- We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
- Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling… however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.
7 dwarves went to meet the pope
7 dwarves went to meet the pope. "Go on Dopey, ask" chanted the other 6. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there nuns in Alaska?"
"Yes" said the pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other 6 dwarves. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there black nuns in Alaska?".
"Yes there are" said the pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" said the others. Dopey blushed and asked "Sir, are there midget nuns in Alaska?"
"No, i don't think so" said the pope.
All 6 of the other dwarves leapt up shouting "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"
"Yes" said the pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other 6 dwarves. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there black nuns in Alaska?".
"Yes there are" said the pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" said the others. Dopey blushed and asked "Sir, are there midget nuns in Alaska?"
"No, i don't think so" said the pope.
All 6 of the other dwarves leapt up shouting "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"
Which part of your body goes first?
The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven . . Which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it 's your legs."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The nun fainted.
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it 's your legs."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The nun fainted.
He must pay for his mistake
Husband and wife had a tiff.
Wife called up her mum and said, “He fought with me again. I am coming to live with you”.
Mom said, “No no my little girl, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.”
Wife called up her mum and said, “He fought with me again. I am coming to live with you”.
Mom said, “No no my little girl, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.”
Rubber broke
Two young girls were talking about their active sex lives when the first girl said,
"Oh my god!, it was really great, but I was so scared after his rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened then?" said her intrigued friend.
She answered, "I was so worried I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the last little piece of hair out with dental floss."
"Oh my god!, it was really great, but I was so scared after his rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened then?" said her intrigued friend.
She answered, "I was so worried I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the last little piece of hair out with dental floss."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)