95th birthday
"Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, do fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!"
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"
"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"
"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"
Diplomacy
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,
"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh, no! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat!"
"Oh, no! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh, no! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh, no! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat!"
"Oh, no! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh, no! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Mirror from Antique Shop
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!
Glory and Shame
A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots.
She downs the first one
"This is for the shame", and then the second one
"This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots.
She drinks the first one "This is for the shame" and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering ... what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."
She downs the first one
"This is for the shame", and then the second one
"This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots.
She drinks the first one "This is for the shame" and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering ... what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."
Really gorgeous receptionist
When Dan came in for the results of his routine physical, the doctor said gently, "Dan, you'd better sit down. I've got some good news and some bad news."
"Okay," said Dan, taking a seat, "give me the bad news first."
"well," said the doctor, "you've only got three weeks to live."
"Jesus!, gasped Dan, wiping the sweat from his brow. "What the hell's the good news?"
"You know that really gorgeous receptionist out in the front office?"
"You Bet!" answered Dan.
"The one with the body that won't quit?"
"Right.."
"And the blond hair and baby blue eyes--"
Yeah, yeah..." interrputed Doug, "What's the good news?"
Leaning forward, the doctor whispered with a grin, "I'm sleeping with her!"
"Okay," said Dan, taking a seat, "give me the bad news first."
"well," said the doctor, "you've only got three weeks to live."
"Jesus!, gasped Dan, wiping the sweat from his brow. "What the hell's the good news?"
"You know that really gorgeous receptionist out in the front office?"
"You Bet!" answered Dan.
"The one with the body that won't quit?"
"Right.."
"And the blond hair and baby blue eyes--"
Yeah, yeah..." interrputed Doug, "What's the good news?"
Leaning forward, the doctor whispered with a grin, "I'm sleeping with her!"
A mother and a baby camel
A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked,
"Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."
Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert," the mother said.
"Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?"
"They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."
"So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water."
"Yes dear," said the mother.
"So why are we in the Lahore Zoo?"
"Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."
Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert," the mother said.
"Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?"
"They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."
"So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water."
"Yes dear," said the mother.
"So why are we in the Lahore Zoo?"
Pastors and Mice
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.
The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."
The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"
The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."
The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"
Don't cum without me
Once upon a time these 2 gay guys were screwing when the doorbell rang. The one in the back said, "Don't cum without me; I'm going to go get rid of whoever this is."
The 'front' guy said he wouldn't. So, the 'back' guy comes back from answering the door to find cum shot ALL over the room, the bed, the dresser, etc.
He yelled, "I told you not to cum without me!"
The second guy said, "I didn't; I farted."
The 'front' guy said he wouldn't. So, the 'back' guy comes back from answering the door to find cum shot ALL over the room, the bed, the dresser, etc.
He yelled, "I told you not to cum without me!"
The second guy said, "I didn't; I farted."
That time of the month
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
Falling Blonde
One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.. "Oh, sh*t!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said "No, I don't suck!"
And with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Sh*t!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of man's arms grabbed her on the 9th floor.
"Thank God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!" The man asked "Do you f*ck?" Absolutely aghast at the question, the woman answered "No, I don't f*ck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I f*ck!"
"Sl*t..." the man said....and dropped her.
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said "No, I don't suck!"
And with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Sh*t!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of man's arms grabbed her on the 9th floor.
"Thank God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!" The man asked "Do you f*ck?" Absolutely aghast at the question, the woman answered "No, I don't f*ck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I f*ck!"
"Sl*t..." the man said....and dropped her.
Mother-in-law
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.
Goat Thief
Farmer Azmat slaughtered a goat and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone.
He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.
Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Azmat, did you ever find out who stole your goat?"
"Nope," said Azmat. "Not until just now."
He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.
Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Azmat, did you ever find out who stole your goat?"
"Nope," said Azmat. "Not until just now."
Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted
These list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other.
- Oral Sex does not count.
- If you can't remember the person's name the following day... it doesn't count...
- If you failed to call the person back to have more sex...it doesn't count...
- If neither of you achieved orgasm...it doesn't count...
- Sex with a friend...it doesn't count...it's just another thing you share...
- If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "Did I shave my legs for this"...it doesn't count...
- An old flame...it doesn't count...
- An ex-spouse...it doesn't count, refer to this as a "pity fuck".
- Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not sex...it doesn't count...
- Cyber-sex - NO WAY - this is glorified masturbation...it doesn't count...
- 2 heterosexual women having fun, not sex...it doesn't count...
- Kissing body parts is not cheating...it doesn't count...
- An act to make a married person feel good about themselves, not sex, BUT only if you do not know their significant other...it doesn't count...
- An act committed while you were intoxicated...it doesn't count.
- An act committed with a family member of your significant other...it doesn't count...this should be referred to as "a skeleton in the family closet".
- Acts committed in a public place...it doesn't count...(why should it, it was public right?)
- Phone sex...it doesn't count...(refer back to "glorified masturbation")
- In car...it doesn't count...way too cramped...if vehicle is in motion and has a console or stick shift...this counts...way too kinky and erotic not to count, unless the act was totally oral, then refer back to rule 1...
- An act committed in which the female of the encounter did not achieve total satisfaction (orgasm)...it doesn't count.
- An act committed in which total bodily fluids have not been exchanged (pull'n pray method of birth control)...it doesn't count...
- An act in which no kissing takes place...it doesn't count... (not considered to be intimate)
- An act in which "you do all the work"...it doesn't count.
- An act committed with your next door neighbor...it doesn't count, this should be referred to as "being neighborly".
- An act committed with an acquaintance because you are angry with your significant other...it doesn't count.
- An act which only happens on a random basis...it doesn't count, this should be considered " getting aquatinted "...
- An act with a US President...it doesn't count, unless the Senate votes impeachment...
- An act with your boss...it doesn't count, just considered career enhancement; and/or additional employee benefits.
Attention Ladies!
Attention Ladies! Want to truly understand your man? Just
simply match the questions of "What A Man Says" with
"What A Man Wants". Give yourself one point for each
correct answer!
"What A Man Says"
1. "These flowers are for you."
2. "Can I have your number?"
3. "You look beautiful."
4. "I've enjoyed tonight."
5. "What we have is special."
6."I love you."
"What A Man Wants"
A. Sex
B. Sex
C. Sex
D. Sex
E. Sex
F. Sex
simply match the questions of "What A Man Says" with
"What A Man Wants". Give yourself one point for each
correct answer!
"What A Man Says"
1. "These flowers are for you."
2. "Can I have your number?"
3. "You look beautiful."
4. "I've enjoyed tonight."
5. "What we have is special."
6."I love you."
"What A Man Wants"
A. Sex
B. Sex
C. Sex
D. Sex
E. Sex
F. Sex
Something to hold on
A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas.
The man objects again: "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says: "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says: "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!"
"No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas.
The man objects again: "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says: "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says: "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!"
Life of an MBA graduate
Dear Diary,
I can't hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!!
And I like it already.
"Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice Chairman - Manufacturing". My dad was thrilled when he heard my designation.
"What the f!@#!!!" were his exact words. Oh I love it when my parents are happy...
Need to meet HR in half an hour. I can't wait to get my first Employee ID Card and cubicle. I hope Parthasarathy Whatayblouse Crappers (PWC) is the beginning of great things.
P.S. I have brought my favorite textbooks back from the institute OD, OM and HR should help me grow rapidly in the organization. And I WILL handle soft issues before facing hard issues here at PWC.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 28th
Dear Diary,
Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had recruited me had left a month ago. So they didn't know I was joining. We had a hearty laugh over that one.
I'll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time being I am sharing a nice one with Claire. She's with Corporate Communication.
The phone doesn't work though...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met my boss today. He spent a lot of time with my CV and then asked me how I managed to get a job with them. (Even he knows how lucky they are to get me..) He told me to review our material ordering system in the err... umm... the... the "big yellow and blue noisy machine section" of the plant.
Claire is working on an "Our Employees Love Us"
campaign. The office boy had just resigned. So she got me to pose with an apron and a tray of cookies for a photo. They are going to call me Ramon and use it for ads. I am going to be famous.
-----
August 7th
Dear Diary,
My first breakthrough. I have decided to order nickel ball bearings using the EQO.. QEO... whatever formula.
It takes into account item cost, holding cost and weight of ball bearing I think. The purchase guy gave me a funny look when he saw my annual requisition contract form. He is obviously not an MBA...
Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign.
P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of a ball bearing. It has to be in whole numbers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 11th
Dear Diary,
I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I checked up with Engineering.
They said that should be enough for around 14 years of requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest in a cupboard in my room. If prices of ball bearings go up, I see a lot of potential savings.
I have decided to develop informal channels of communication. From tomorrow I will spend a little time next to the coffee machine to understand the unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.
(That OD book is good)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 14th
Dear Diary,
I sent my first official letter today. It was to our Facilities manager Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I told her that the Coffee Machine takes too much time to reheat between refills. Wrote it in a WAC format and all with a table of contents and everything. She
is sure going to be impressed!! I spell checked it in MS word and emailed it to her an hour ago. No reply yet.
They scrapped the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign. The photo shoot was taking up too much time, and people were being forced to stay late without extra pay. Someone finally went and vandalised the banner. It now reads "Our Employers Shove Us". I offered to model for all the snaps and videos. They called me a dickhead. I was delighted. Dickhead is internal slang for "Big Stud". HR told me. Everyone calls me that...
P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again 4384. The contract can't be changed now. I dont have too much space left in my cupboard.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 25th
Dear Diary,
My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from Merry. "Please proofread" it said. It was CC'd to my boss. How was I supposed to know MS Word would spell check her name and change it to Merry Lesbian????!!!!
Where's natural justice?
Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard door broke open. It took me ten minutes to pick up all the ball bearings from the floor. I had to run to the board room for the meeting and slipped on a bearing which rolled under the door. I fell on the coffee
machine and tipped coffee powder into the polymer mixing matching tray. No one saw anything.
P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed. There was a mail from an old friend. She's now married into the Welchia family I think.
Crashed after that. Strange name that Welchia...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 2nd
Dear Diary,
My boss told me I may not last the probation period. I was mighty thrilled to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent in less than three months!!
That should be some sort of company record.
I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some 300 people were there. I think I sent good vibes. Everyone was smiling and nodding their heads during the presentation. Someone later told me my fly was open the whole time. But I don't think anyone noticed. The presentation was on "An Open Culture: Let the feeling show!!"
p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give each employee a ball bearing for every year of service. The HR manager immediately convened a meeting with my boss. Every suggestion counts here at PWC.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 4th
Dear Diary,
I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan Africa. I will be heading the Room Heater and Hot Water Geyser products division. They have also told me to pay for all the ball bearings I bought. I think it speaks much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have been told to leave immediately for Kujumbinana.
P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 5th
Dear Diary,
I am in Kujumbinana. We don't have a branch here...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND THE STORY GOES ON.....
I can't hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!!
And I like it already.
"Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice Chairman - Manufacturing". My dad was thrilled when he heard my designation.
"What the f!@#!!!" were his exact words. Oh I love it when my parents are happy...
Need to meet HR in half an hour. I can't wait to get my first Employee ID Card and cubicle. I hope Parthasarathy Whatayblouse Crappers (PWC) is the beginning of great things.
P.S. I have brought my favorite textbooks back from the institute OD, OM and HR should help me grow rapidly in the organization. And I WILL handle soft issues before facing hard issues here at PWC.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 28th
Dear Diary,
Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had recruited me had left a month ago. So they didn't know I was joining. We had a hearty laugh over that one.
I'll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time being I am sharing a nice one with Claire. She's with Corporate Communication.
The phone doesn't work though...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met my boss today. He spent a lot of time with my CV and then asked me how I managed to get a job with them. (Even he knows how lucky they are to get me..) He told me to review our material ordering system in the err... umm... the... the "big yellow and blue noisy machine section" of the plant.
Claire is working on an "Our Employees Love Us"
campaign. The office boy had just resigned. So she got me to pose with an apron and a tray of cookies for a photo. They are going to call me Ramon and use it for ads. I am going to be famous.
-----
August 7th
Dear Diary,
My first breakthrough. I have decided to order nickel ball bearings using the EQO.. QEO... whatever formula.
It takes into account item cost, holding cost and weight of ball bearing I think. The purchase guy gave me a funny look when he saw my annual requisition contract form. He is obviously not an MBA...
Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign.
P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of a ball bearing. It has to be in whole numbers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 11th
Dear Diary,
I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I checked up with Engineering.
They said that should be enough for around 14 years of requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest in a cupboard in my room. If prices of ball bearings go up, I see a lot of potential savings.
I have decided to develop informal channels of communication. From tomorrow I will spend a little time next to the coffee machine to understand the unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.
(That OD book is good)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 14th
Dear Diary,
I sent my first official letter today. It was to our Facilities manager Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I told her that the Coffee Machine takes too much time to reheat between refills. Wrote it in a WAC format and all with a table of contents and everything. She
is sure going to be impressed!! I spell checked it in MS word and emailed it to her an hour ago. No reply yet.
They scrapped the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign. The photo shoot was taking up too much time, and people were being forced to stay late without extra pay. Someone finally went and vandalised the banner. It now reads "Our Employers Shove Us". I offered to model for all the snaps and videos. They called me a dickhead. I was delighted. Dickhead is internal slang for "Big Stud". HR told me. Everyone calls me that...
P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again 4384. The contract can't be changed now. I dont have too much space left in my cupboard.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 25th
Dear Diary,
My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from Merry. "Please proofread" it said. It was CC'd to my boss. How was I supposed to know MS Word would spell check her name and change it to Merry Lesbian????!!!!
Where's natural justice?
Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard door broke open. It took me ten minutes to pick up all the ball bearings from the floor. I had to run to the board room for the meeting and slipped on a bearing which rolled under the door. I fell on the coffee
machine and tipped coffee powder into the polymer mixing matching tray. No one saw anything.
P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed. There was a mail from an old friend. She's now married into the Welchia family I think.
Crashed after that. Strange name that Welchia...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 2nd
Dear Diary,
My boss told me I may not last the probation period. I was mighty thrilled to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent in less than three months!!
That should be some sort of company record.
I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some 300 people were there. I think I sent good vibes. Everyone was smiling and nodding their heads during the presentation. Someone later told me my fly was open the whole time. But I don't think anyone noticed. The presentation was on "An Open Culture: Let the feeling show!!"
p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give each employee a ball bearing for every year of service. The HR manager immediately convened a meeting with my boss. Every suggestion counts here at PWC.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 4th
Dear Diary,
I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan Africa. I will be heading the Room Heater and Hot Water Geyser products division. They have also told me to pay for all the ball bearings I bought. I think it speaks much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have been told to leave immediately for Kujumbinana.
P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 5th
Dear Diary,
I am in Kujumbinana. We don't have a branch here...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND THE STORY GOES ON.....
Second fiddle
The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him.
He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you are lucky you are still in the band!"
He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you are lucky you are still in the band!"
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