A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"
"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."
"Wow! Does that really work?"
"You bet it does."
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."
"Well, okay."
After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"
"You're the sixth," he said.
Boy needs some relief
A man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says: "Take this to the whorehouse at the other end of town, and have some fun."
Well, the whorehouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?"
"Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."
The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you f*cked my MOTHER?"
"What's the big deal," says the boy, "you f*ck mine!"
Well, the whorehouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?"
"Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."
The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you f*cked my MOTHER?"
"What's the big deal," says the boy, "you f*ck mine!"
Puzzle To Puzzle You
Ques. 1:
What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING????
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A TOMATO...
AND THE "TRING TRING TRING" WAS TO CONFUSE YOU...
Anyway... Here s one more...
Ques 2 :
What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you...
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What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A CAKE...
and both were to confuse you...
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What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A Fire Brigade Obviously...
U thought...
I was trying to Confuse You...
What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING????
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A TOMATO...
AND THE "TRING TRING TRING" WAS TO CONFUSE YOU...
Anyway... Here s one more...
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What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you...
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What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A CAKE...
and both were to confuse you...
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What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A Fire Brigade Obviously...
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How can I possibly repay you?
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied,' I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied,' I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'
I like the way you think
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."
A cut on my thumb
This fella was celebrating his 50th birthday.
So some friends from work took him to this great restaurant to celebrate his 50th birthday.
While sitting at his table, the waiter aproaches him to take his dinner "order". This birthday boy says,
"I'll have a thick steak and all the fixings to go along with it."
The waiter asks him if he'd care for a bowl of soup with his dinner and this fella says, that sounds "good".
The waiter goes back to the kitchen and after about 45 minutes returns with the ordered bowl of soup, but the birthday boy that ordered the soup noticed that the waiter had had his thumb in "his soup" during his return from the kitchen.
The fella that is celebrating his birthday looks at the waiter and says, I don't want "that soup! cause he did'nt know where that waiter had his hands last.
The waiter leans down and asks this fella, you see this cut on my thumb and the guy says yeh. Well my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a "warm,moist place" so it would heal quick.
The guy looks up at him and says, why don't you shove it up your ass and the waiter says, I DO !, when I'm in the kitchen!!.
So some friends from work took him to this great restaurant to celebrate his 50th birthday.
While sitting at his table, the waiter aproaches him to take his dinner "order". This birthday boy says,
"I'll have a thick steak and all the fixings to go along with it."
The waiter asks him if he'd care for a bowl of soup with his dinner and this fella says, that sounds "good".
The waiter goes back to the kitchen and after about 45 minutes returns with the ordered bowl of soup, but the birthday boy that ordered the soup noticed that the waiter had had his thumb in "his soup" during his return from the kitchen.
The fella that is celebrating his birthday looks at the waiter and says, I don't want "that soup! cause he did'nt know where that waiter had his hands last.
The waiter leans down and asks this fella, you see this cut on my thumb and the guy says yeh. Well my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a "warm,moist place" so it would heal quick.
The guy looks up at him and says, why don't you shove it up your ass and the waiter says, I DO !, when I'm in the kitchen!!.
There's something wrong with my..
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
*****Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
*****Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
Police
Fred was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
Fred opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. Fred said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up. Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed . One of the Policemen said to Fred: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
Fred said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'
Fred opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. Fred said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up. Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed . One of the Policemen said to Fred: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
Fred said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'
I drinking too much coffee?
In the doctor’s office, a patient asks for advice, "Doctor, what should I do?
Every time I come home from work, I see some strange man in bed with my wife. When I start yelling at her, she just locks me in the kitchen and tells me to calm down and drink a cup of coffee. This has been happening every day for the last four months."
The Doctor replies, "So how can I help you?"
"I just want to know - am I drinking too much coffee?"
Every time I come home from work, I see some strange man in bed with my wife. When I start yelling at her, she just locks me in the kitchen and tells me to calm down and drink a cup of coffee. This has been happening every day for the last four months."
The Doctor replies, "So how can I help you?"
"I just want to know - am I drinking too much coffee?"
What Is Your Business Sign?
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business Sign?
1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4. ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5. ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
6. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title)
9. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
10. CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
13. GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL".
1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4. ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5. ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
6. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title)
9. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
10. CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
13. GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL".
Smart Husband
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old woman would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave, and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbours feared her.
They believed she practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old woman liked the fact that she was feared.
To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack in the night when she was
65 yrs of age.Her husband had a closed coffin in the morning.
After the burial,he went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave,and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?
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The husband put down his drink and said, 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down
The old woman would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave, and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbours feared her.
They believed she practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old woman liked the fact that she was feared.
To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack in the night when she was
65 yrs of age.Her husband had a closed coffin in the morning.
After the burial,he went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave,and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?
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The husband put down his drink and said, 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down
Cherokee language
A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school.
He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language.
He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Cosmetic surgery
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my *sshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my *sshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"
The ugliest wife
These three guys are sitting at a bar arguing which one has the ugliest wife. The conversation begins to get heated to the point of the barkeeper telling them to get the hell out or shut up! In fact he says, "why don't you settle it once and for all and just visit each others house and decide for yourselves..."
Damn Good idea they agree, finish their drinks and make off for the first guys house.
Upon arriving he bangs on his door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two. Not so fast says the second, I got that beat.
And off they go to his house... He bangs on the door and his wife comes to answer the door opens and all three step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet but the third guy says sorry I've got you both beat.
He goes to his house and walks right in, there's no sign of anyone around. He stomps his foot on the trap door in the floor and they all hear this voice say "Is that you honey?"
"Yeah it's me," he says.
"Do you want me to come out?" she asks
"Yes please," he says.
"Should I put the bag on my head?" she asks.
He says, "No. I don't want to f*uck you, I just want to show you off!"
Damn Good idea they agree, finish their drinks and make off for the first guys house.
Upon arriving he bangs on his door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two. Not so fast says the second, I got that beat.
And off they go to his house... He bangs on the door and his wife comes to answer the door opens and all three step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet but the third guy says sorry I've got you both beat.
He goes to his house and walks right in, there's no sign of anyone around. He stomps his foot on the trap door in the floor and they all hear this voice say "Is that you honey?"
"Yeah it's me," he says.
"Do you want me to come out?" she asks
"Yes please," he says.
"Should I put the bag on my head?" she asks.
He says, "No. I don't want to f*uck you, I just want to show you off!"
How to Identify different citizens of India
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
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Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
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Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
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Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
----------------------------------------
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes.
He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.
That's BANGALORE
----------------------------------------
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this
nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
----------------------------------------
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go zumwhere else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA !
----------------------------------------
And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as
friends.
You are in DIU or Goa!!!
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
----------------------------------------
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
----------------------------------------
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes.
He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.
That's BANGALORE
----------------------------------------
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this
nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
----------------------------------------
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go zumwhere else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA !
----------------------------------------
And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as
friends.
You are in DIU or Goa!!!
New Chairman for Microsoft Europe
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Arun Doshi an Indian (Gujrati) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do notknow JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself,'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing morethan 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?'So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave.
500 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat toleave. 498 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself, ' I do not speak oneword of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, Arun turns to the other candidate and says `kem chhho'
The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama'
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Arun Doshi an Indian (Gujrati) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do notknow JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself,'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing morethan 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?'So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave.
500 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat toleave. 498 people leave the room.
Arun says to himself, ' I do not speak oneword of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, Arun turns to the other candidate and says `kem chhho'
The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama'
Stairway to Heaven
A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”
“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”
God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”
“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”
Pass gas
One day a boy was in the restaurant yesterday when he suddenly realized he desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so he timed his gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. he finished his coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at him....
Then he suddenly remembered that he was listening to his iPod.
After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. he finished his coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at him....
Then he suddenly remembered that he was listening to his iPod.
One Word Changes The Meaning..
Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence: "I hit him in the eye yesterday."
The word is "ONLY".
Hmm, sounds interesting?? Let's take a look it...
The word is "ONLY".
Hmm, sounds interesting?? Let's take a look it...
- ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did.)
- I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)
- I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)
- I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye.)
- I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)
- I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn't have another eye.)
- I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today.)
- I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY . (Did not wait for today.)
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