A blonde was visiting Washington, D.C., for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Luckily for her, she spotted a cop.
"Excuse me, officer," she said. "How do I get to the Capitol building?"
"Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus," the officer replied. "It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drove off.
Three hours later the police officer's patrol returned him to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and walked over to her.
"Excuse me," the cop said, "but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
"Don't worry, officer," the blonde replied. "It can't be much longer now. The 51st bus just went by!"
I'd love to be six again
A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
Punctuations
Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes. . .
Dear Thomas,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?Maria
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Dear Thomas,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Maria
Dear Thomas,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?Maria
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Dear Thomas,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Maria
Singular and plural
A third grade school teacher is trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural.
She says, "What is it if one woman looks out a window?"
Little Maury replies, "Singular!"
"Very good," says the teacher. "What is it if five women are looking out of a window?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "A brothel!"
She says, "What is it if one woman looks out a window?"
Little Maury replies, "Singular!"
"Very good," says the teacher. "What is it if five women are looking out of a window?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "A brothel!"
I'd stay faithful
This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and collapses in bed.
He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says, "What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, sexy, horny woman lying next to you?"
He replied, "Don't worry honey, I'd stay faithful."
He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says, "What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, sexy, horny woman lying next to you?"
He replied, "Don't worry honey, I'd stay faithful."
Three dreams of a man:
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
To be as handsome as his mother thinks
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
Laws Of Life!
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to use the bathroom.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last, and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, drink, or the bathroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. Those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last, and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, drink, or the bathroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. Those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
I had an affair with a woman...almost
This married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman...almost."
The priest says, "what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that! You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it, and you said it was the same as putting it in!"
The priest says, "what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that! You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it, and you said it was the same as putting it in!"
Different levels of Sexercise
It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research they are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent............................12 Calories
Without her consent..................2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.........................8 Calories
With one hand..........................12 Calories
With your teeth.......................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................6 Calories
Without an erection...........3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................... ......78 Calories
69 standing up.........................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow............... ...... ....216 Calories
Doggy Style.............................326 Calories
Italian chandelier....................2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.............................112 Calories
Fake.................................1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..........................................1 8 Calories
Getting up immediately......................................3 6 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years.........................36 Calories
30-39 years.........................80 Calories
40-49 years.......................124 Calories
50-59 years....................1,972 Calories
60-69 years....................7,916 Calories
70 and over............................... A Miracle
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................................ .................32 Calories
In a hurry............................................. ....98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent............................12 Calories
Without her consent..................2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.........................8 Calories
With one hand..........................12 Calories
With your teeth.......................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................6 Calories
Without an erection...........3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................... ......78 Calories
69 standing up.........................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow............... ...... ....216 Calories
Doggy Style.............................326 Calories
Italian chandelier....................2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.............................112 Calories
Fake.................................1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..........................................1 8 Calories
Getting up immediately......................................3 6 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years.........................36 Calories
30-39 years.........................80 Calories
40-49 years.......................124 Calories
50-59 years....................1,972 Calories
60-69 years....................7,916 Calories
70 and over............................... A Miracle
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................................ .................32 Calories
In a hurry............................................. ....98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories
It's just a quarter
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
Elderly blonde
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?" The lady replied,"My phone doesn't have an eleven!"
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?" The lady replied,"My phone doesn't have an eleven!"
Don't you have a vase?
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
New recruit
A few weeks after a young man had been employed; he was called into the Human Resources administrator's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the personnel officer asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I have discovered this is the first position you've ever held."
"True," the young man answered with a smile, "in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination."
"True," the young man answered with a smile, "in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination."
Crotchless panties
One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.
She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited.
When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra
on. "Come over here baby." she says smiling.
The boyfriend backs off, "If your p*ssy can do that to your panties - I ain't going any where near it!"
She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited.
When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra
on. "Come over here baby." she says smiling.
The boyfriend backs off, "If your p*ssy can do that to your panties - I ain't going any where near it!"
Why did you make her so stupid?
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple and wondered about men and women. So, looking up to the heavens, he said, "Excuse me, God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on, Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam said, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."
God replied, "Go on, Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam said, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."
Beautiful blonde woman
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and says: "Hello!"
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"
I told you we had nothing to worry about
In a second grade sex education class, Suzy asks "Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Two Moose hunters
Two Moose hunters, Wally and Jeff, from New Mexico, fly to a remote area in Alberta, Canada. They have a fabulous hunting expedition and both manage to shoot a large moose.
When the plane returns to pick them up, Ronnie, the pilot looks at the animals and says, 'This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off.'
'That's gobbled-gook and nonsense!' explodes an angry Wally.
Yep,' agrees Jeff, 'you're just a cowardly custard. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts. He wasn't afraid to take off!'
'Mmmm,' adds Wally, 'and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours, Ronnie.'
Ronnie becomes cross, as well, and snaps, 'Dang me, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody'
Wally and Jeff load up the plane; they taxi at full throttle and the plane almost makes it, but doesn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It touches the tree tops, flips, and breaks up. Everything scatters; the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers.
Still alive, but dazed, Ronnie pilot sits up, shakes his head to clear it, and mumbles, 'Where are we?'
Wally appears dishevelled from behind a shrub, looks around and replies, 'Oh.....I'd say ... about a hundred metres further than last year.'
When the plane returns to pick them up, Ronnie, the pilot looks at the animals and says, 'This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off.'
'That's gobbled-gook and nonsense!' explodes an angry Wally.
Yep,' agrees Jeff, 'you're just a cowardly custard. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts. He wasn't afraid to take off!'
'Mmmm,' adds Wally, 'and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours, Ronnie.'
Ronnie becomes cross, as well, and snaps, 'Dang me, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody'
Wally and Jeff load up the plane; they taxi at full throttle and the plane almost makes it, but doesn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It touches the tree tops, flips, and breaks up. Everything scatters; the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers.
Still alive, but dazed, Ronnie pilot sits up, shakes his head to clear it, and mumbles, 'Where are we?'
Wally appears dishevelled from behind a shrub, looks around and replies, 'Oh.....I'd say ... about a hundred metres further than last year.'
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