One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.
She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited.
When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra
on. "Come over here baby." she says smiling.
The boyfriend backs off, "If your p*ssy can do that to your panties - I ain't going any where near it!"
Why did you make her so stupid?
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple and wondered about men and women. So, looking up to the heavens, he said, "Excuse me, God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on, Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam said, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."
God replied, "Go on, Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam said, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."
Beautiful blonde woman
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and says: "Hello!"
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"
I told you we had nothing to worry about
In a second grade sex education class, Suzy asks "Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Two Moose hunters
Two Moose hunters, Wally and Jeff, from New Mexico, fly to a remote area in Alberta, Canada. They have a fabulous hunting expedition and both manage to shoot a large moose.
When the plane returns to pick them up, Ronnie, the pilot looks at the animals and says, 'This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off.'
'That's gobbled-gook and nonsense!' explodes an angry Wally.
Yep,' agrees Jeff, 'you're just a cowardly custard. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts. He wasn't afraid to take off!'
'Mmmm,' adds Wally, 'and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours, Ronnie.'
Ronnie becomes cross, as well, and snaps, 'Dang me, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody'
Wally and Jeff load up the plane; they taxi at full throttle and the plane almost makes it, but doesn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It touches the tree tops, flips, and breaks up. Everything scatters; the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers.
Still alive, but dazed, Ronnie pilot sits up, shakes his head to clear it, and mumbles, 'Where are we?'
Wally appears dishevelled from behind a shrub, looks around and replies, 'Oh.....I'd say ... about a hundred metres further than last year.'
When the plane returns to pick them up, Ronnie, the pilot looks at the animals and says, 'This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off.'
'That's gobbled-gook and nonsense!' explodes an angry Wally.
Yep,' agrees Jeff, 'you're just a cowardly custard. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts. He wasn't afraid to take off!'
'Mmmm,' adds Wally, 'and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours, Ronnie.'
Ronnie becomes cross, as well, and snaps, 'Dang me, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody'
Wally and Jeff load up the plane; they taxi at full throttle and the plane almost makes it, but doesn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It touches the tree tops, flips, and breaks up. Everything scatters; the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers.
Still alive, but dazed, Ronnie pilot sits up, shakes his head to clear it, and mumbles, 'Where are we?'
Wally appears dishevelled from behind a shrub, looks around and replies, 'Oh.....I'd say ... about a hundred metres further than last year.'
Lady Elephant and Rabbit
So this lady elephant is walking along the forest, when she gets a sliver in her foot.
It`s really quite painful, so when she sees this bunny rabbit on the forest floor, she asks him to pull the sliver out.
The rabbit says, "Okay, but if I do this favour for you, you have to promise to do a favour for me."
"All right," says the elephant, "what?"
"Well you see," says the rabbit, "I haven`t gotten my rocks off in a long time. I've had no action at all, and I thought that you might help me."
The elephant is a little shocked, but she wants that sliver out, so she agrees.
So the rabbit pulls the sliver out and says, "Okay, get ready," and jumps up there and starts going to town with the elephant.
This monkey in a tree nearby sees this little bunny rabbit going at with the elephant, and he starts jumping up and down and laughing in the tree.
He jumps so hard that a coconut falls out of the tree and hits the elephant on the head.
The elephant says, "Ouch!" And the rabbit says, "That`s right b**ch, take it all!"
It`s really quite painful, so when she sees this bunny rabbit on the forest floor, she asks him to pull the sliver out.
The rabbit says, "Okay, but if I do this favour for you, you have to promise to do a favour for me."
"All right," says the elephant, "what?"
"Well you see," says the rabbit, "I haven`t gotten my rocks off in a long time. I've had no action at all, and I thought that you might help me."
The elephant is a little shocked, but she wants that sliver out, so she agrees.
So the rabbit pulls the sliver out and says, "Okay, get ready," and jumps up there and starts going to town with the elephant.
This monkey in a tree nearby sees this little bunny rabbit going at with the elephant, and he starts jumping up and down and laughing in the tree.
He jumps so hard that a coconut falls out of the tree and hits the elephant on the head.
The elephant says, "Ouch!" And the rabbit says, "That`s right b**ch, take it all!"
10 inches of Snow
A lady goes on vacation alone to the Caribbean wishing her husband had been able to join her.
Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, “What is your name?”
“I can’t tell you!” the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her.
On her last night there she asks again, “Can you please tell me your name?”
“I can’t because you will make fun of me!” the black man says.
“There is no reason for me to laugh at you,” the lady says. “Fine, my name is Snow” the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, “I knew you would make fun of it.”
The lady replied, “It’s my husband that won’t believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in the Caribbean!”
Condom pack 3, 6 and 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them when they have sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and Asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO For Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking Up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them when they have sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and Asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO For Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking Up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
Santa Claus and Blonde
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde.
She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Hey Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Hey Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"
Early retirement bonus
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for 960,000 Dollars.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my pen*is to the bottom of my test*icles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had received.
The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants.
He did.
The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's pen*is and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your test*cles?"
The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring."
They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for 960,000 Dollars.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my pen*is to the bottom of my test*icles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had received.
The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants.
He did.
The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's pen*is and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your test*cles?"
The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring."
Cycle
A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his
head to see how long he slept.
So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ..."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."
head to see how long he slept.
So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ..."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."
Good Sign
A husband was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decided to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she let out a sigh.
The husband ran out and told the doctor what happened. The doctor said this was a good sign, and suggested the husband try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The husband went in and rubbed her right breast, which brought a moan. After hearing this, the doctor suggested that the husband should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the husband to be embarrassed.
The husband went in, then came out about five minutes later, white as a ghost. He told the doctor his wife was dead.
The doctor asked what happened, to which the husband replied,
"I reckon she choked to death!"
The husband ran out and told the doctor what happened. The doctor said this was a good sign, and suggested the husband try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The husband went in and rubbed her right breast, which brought a moan. After hearing this, the doctor suggested that the husband should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the husband to be embarrassed.
The husband went in, then came out about five minutes later, white as a ghost. He told the doctor his wife was dead.
The doctor asked what happened, to which the husband replied,
"I reckon she choked to death!"
Wonderful time on Fishing Trip
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Another man like me
Husband says:
"When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied:
"What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
"When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied:
"What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Resources Manager at the Pearly Gates
Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
What is my age?
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Kids in school think quick
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
HAROLD : A teacher.
Sex problem
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
God will save me
There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.
The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."
The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.
The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.
An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.
Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will grant a miracle & save him." So the boat left him again.
Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me? I thought you would grand me a miracle and you have let me down."
God replied, "You idiot, I don't know what you're complaining about. I sent three boats after you!!"
The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."
The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.
The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.
An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.
Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will grant a miracle & save him." So the boat left him again.
Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me? I thought you would grand me a miracle and you have let me down."
God replied, "You idiot, I don't know what you're complaining about. I sent three boats after you!!"
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