The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
Blondes and Brunettes
WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.
WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation
WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price
WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache
KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES?
brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights
No one else wants it.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.
WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation
WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price
WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache
KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES?
brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights
The Corporate language !!
"We will do it" means " You will do it"
"You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done... At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion" means "We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"We are a team" means "I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best" means " You are in trouble"
"You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done... At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion" means "We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"We are a team" means "I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best" means " You are in trouble"
HR Language........What they really mean..
- “COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
- “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY” We have no time to train you.
- “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.
- “MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
- “SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” Some time each night and some time each weekend.
- “DUTIES WILL VARY” Anyone in the office can boss you around.
- “MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL” We have no quality control.
- “CAREER-MINDED” Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
- “APPLY IN PERSON” If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
- “NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE” We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
- “SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE” You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
- “PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST” You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
- “REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS” You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
- “GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS” Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Pappu & Ravan! - A Management Lesson
Once Pappu started praying to Ravan and after 1 year of deep meditation Ravan was pleased and appeared in front of Pappu and decided to give him 3 vardans (wishes).
RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want?
PAPPU: I want 100 vardans
RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans
PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans.
RAVAN: No child that’s not possible.
PAPPU: No I want 100 vardans only
RAVAN: No I can give you only 3. If you want then take or else I am going.
PAPPU: Ok! But whatever I will ask, you will definitely give me?
RAVAN: Sure it's promise from Rakshas Raj Ravana.
PAPPU: 1st vardan, convert your GADA on shoulder to wooden bamboo stick.
RAVAN: "Tathastu" and his gada turns into a stick.
PAPPU: 2nd Vardan, put that stick in your ass..!!
RAVAN: (confused but ......) "Thathastu" and in great pain asks Pappu to ask for the third vardan .... ASAP ...
PAPPU: Now are you giving me rest 97 vardans or should I convert that stick back to GADA ?
Moral of the story: Management will not yield to your simple request until u can give pain in their ass.
RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want?
PAPPU: I want 100 vardans
RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans
PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans.
RAVAN: No child that’s not possible.
PAPPU: No I want 100 vardans only
RAVAN: No I can give you only 3. If you want then take or else I am going.
PAPPU: Ok! But whatever I will ask, you will definitely give me?
RAVAN: Sure it's promise from Rakshas Raj Ravana.
PAPPU: 1st vardan, convert your GADA on shoulder to wooden bamboo stick.
RAVAN: "Tathastu" and his gada turns into a stick.
PAPPU: 2nd Vardan, put that stick in your ass..!!
RAVAN: (confused but ......) "Thathastu" and in great pain asks Pappu to ask for the third vardan .... ASAP ...
PAPPU: Now are you giving me rest 97 vardans or should I convert that stick back to GADA ?
Moral of the story: Management will not yield to your simple request until u can give pain in their ass.
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack... I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer..we'd both still be alive.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack... I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer..we'd both still be alive.
Missing Cock
The priest in a small village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
But one Saturday night the cock went missing!
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
But one Saturday night the cock went missing!
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
Mad Cow Disease
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
Keep an Irishman busy
Q: How do you keep an Irishman busy for hours?
A: Put three spades on the wall and tell him to take his pick.
A: Put three spades on the wall and tell him to take his pick.
Cavity
Mom walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the heck do you think you're doing, young man!?" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
"What the heck do you think you're doing, young man!?" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
Redneck Truckers
Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a "Team" truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you'd do ?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
"I know, I know, I know the first thing I'd do". The personnel manager says "yes Luke, what is the first thing you'd do?" Luke says, "I'd wake Zek up." The personnel manager replies, "WHAT ! "Why would wake Zek up ?"
Coos, says Luke, "He ain't never seen no big accident before!"
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you'd do ?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
"I know, I know, I know the first thing I'd do". The personnel manager says "yes Luke, what is the first thing you'd do?" Luke says, "I'd wake Zek up." The personnel manager replies, "WHAT ! "Why would wake Zek up ?"
Coos, says Luke, "He ain't never seen no big accident before!"
NECROPHILIA
A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (making love to a dead person).
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and.....
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and.....
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
More Hilarious One Liners
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband !
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without,,, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway .
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me .
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak .
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband !
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without,,, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway .
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me .
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak .
Saving Time
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
He explained: "The restaurant's owners hired ABCD Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analyses, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So when he came back to ask about desert, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly," Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so ob-servant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 per cent."
I was impressed, but something struck me as odd and I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back in?" "I don't know about the others," he whispered, "but I use the spoon."
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
He explained: "The restaurant's owners hired ABCD Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analyses, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So when he came back to ask about desert, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly," Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so ob-servant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 per cent."
I was impressed, but something struck me as odd and I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back in?" "I don't know about the others," he whispered, "but I use the spoon."
You know you're getting older
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
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