Were they ALL dead
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?”
The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know politicans- they say all kind of things.”
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?”
The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know politicans- they say all kind of things.”
Pre-menstrual Syndrome
The doctor tells his patient: "Dianne, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dianne asks for the good news first.
"Well, the test results are in, and the good news is that you aren't suffering from Pre-menstrual Syndrome, as you'd feared."
"And the bad news?" Dianne asks.
To which the Doc replies: "I'm afraid there's no cure for being a natural b**ch."
Dianne asks for the good news first.
"Well, the test results are in, and the good news is that you aren't suffering from Pre-menstrual Syndrome, as you'd feared."
"And the bad news?" Dianne asks.
To which the Doc replies: "I'm afraid there's no cure for being a natural b**ch."
What should we do
Harry teed up, addressed his golf ball, and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and it went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face.
He dropped like a rock!
Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious and with the ball lying between his feet.
"Oh no!" exclaimed Harry. "What should we do?"
"I'm not sure," said his partner. "But don't move him! If we just leave him here, he's an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies or drop it two club lengths away without penalty."
He dropped like a rock!
Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious and with the ball lying between his feet.
"Oh no!" exclaimed Harry. "What should we do?"
"I'm not sure," said his partner. "But don't move him! If we just leave him here, he's an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies or drop it two club lengths away without penalty."
Back to Earth
Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Greek, are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they give up the one thing that each of them wants most of all in life, not even to attempt to attain it.
BANG!! They're back in the same street they came from, all a bit shocked by the experience.
Within a few minutes, they're passing by a pizza shop. The Italian can't help himself, he runs in, and just as he's about to take a bite of pizza, BANG!!, the Italian disappears - he's gone back to Heaven.
The other two are quite shocked by this, but then continue on walking. Just then, a dollar coin rolls across the footpath in front of the two men. The Jew can't help himself, he bends over, and just as he's about to pick up the coin, BANG!!, the Greek disappears.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they give up the one thing that each of them wants most of all in life, not even to attempt to attain it.
BANG!! They're back in the same street they came from, all a bit shocked by the experience.
Within a few minutes, they're passing by a pizza shop. The Italian can't help himself, he runs in, and just as he's about to take a bite of pizza, BANG!!, the Italian disappears - he's gone back to Heaven.
The other two are quite shocked by this, but then continue on walking. Just then, a dollar coin rolls across the footpath in front of the two men. The Jew can't help himself, he bends over, and just as he's about to pick up the coin, BANG!!, the Greek disappears.
Weight machine
A nun was sitting at the airport waiting for her flight to Chicago. She looked over & saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune.
Deciding to give it a try, she went to the machine, stepped on the scale and put her nickel in. Out came a card saying, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 Lbs and you're going to Chicago".
The nun sat back down & told herself the machine probably gives the same reading to Everyone. The more she thought about it, the more curious she was, so she decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine and put another nickel in. Out came a card, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago and you're going to play a fiddle.The nun said to herself, I know this is wrong. I've never played a musical instrument In my life. She went back to her seat. Then, a cowboy came and sat down, putting his fiddle on the seat between them.
Without thinking, she opened the case, took out the fiddle and started playing. Surprised at what she'd done, she looked at the machine and decided to try again.
She went back and put in another nickel. The card said "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago & you're going to break wind."
Now, she knew the machine was wrong. She'd never broken wind in public in her life. But getting off the scale, she slipped and straining to keep from falling, she broke wind.
Stunned, she sat down and looked at the machine, thinking I have to try this again. She went back to the machine and dropped in another nickel.
Another Card came out. It read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you've fiddled & farted around & missed your flight to Chicago.
Deciding to give it a try, she went to the machine, stepped on the scale and put her nickel in. Out came a card saying, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 Lbs and you're going to Chicago".
The nun sat back down & told herself the machine probably gives the same reading to Everyone. The more she thought about it, the more curious she was, so she decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine and put another nickel in. Out came a card, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago and you're going to play a fiddle.The nun said to herself, I know this is wrong. I've never played a musical instrument In my life. She went back to her seat. Then, a cowboy came and sat down, putting his fiddle on the seat between them.
Without thinking, she opened the case, took out the fiddle and started playing. Surprised at what she'd done, she looked at the machine and decided to try again.
She went back and put in another nickel. The card said "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago & you're going to break wind."
Now, she knew the machine was wrong. She'd never broken wind in public in her life. But getting off the scale, she slipped and straining to keep from falling, she broke wind.
Stunned, she sat down and looked at the machine, thinking I have to try this again. She went back to the machine and dropped in another nickel.
Another Card came out. It read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you've fiddled & farted around & missed your flight to Chicago.
Actual Writings on Hospital Charts
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional constant infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
My thesis
Scene : It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox "What are you working on?"
Rabbit "My thesis."
Fox "Hmmm. What's it about?"
Rabbit "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes." (incredulous pause)
Fox "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
Rabbit "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf "What's that you're writing?"
Rabbit "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves." (loud guffaws)
Wolf "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Scene : inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.
Moral: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.
Fox "What are you working on?"
Rabbit "My thesis."
Fox "Hmmm. What's it about?"
Rabbit "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes." (incredulous pause)
Fox "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
Rabbit "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf "What's that you're writing?"
Rabbit "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves." (loud guffaws)
Wolf "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Scene : inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.
Moral: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.
"Gee," says the Irishman
An Italian, a Jew, and an Irishman are marooned on a desert island for five years. One day, while walking along the beach, one of them comes across an old bottle. He rubs it and out comes a genie, who is empowered to grant each of them their dearest wish:
"Ah," says the Italian, "let me go back to the Old Country, where the wine is sweet and the women are beautiful." BANG! He vanishes.
"For me," says the Jew, "I want to go to the Holy Land and live out the rest of my days with my people." BANG! He vanishes.
"Gee," says the Irishman, "it's so hard to choose what to ask for. I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide."
"Ah," says the Italian, "let me go back to the Old Country, where the wine is sweet and the women are beautiful." BANG! He vanishes.
"For me," says the Jew, "I want to go to the Holy Land and live out the rest of my days with my people." BANG! He vanishes.
"Gee," says the Irishman, "it's so hard to choose what to ask for. I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide."
They’re for the funeral
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe,
gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly
smacked with a spatula by his wife……
“Back off!” she said, “They’re for the funeral.”
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe,
gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly
smacked with a spatula by his wife……
“Back off!” she said, “They’re for the funeral.”
This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!
A butcher is busy at work when notices a dog in his shop. He shoos the dog away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices that the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note which reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, stands on his hind legs and pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, with the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"
"Clever, my ass," the guy responds, "This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, stands on his hind legs and pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, with the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"
"Clever, my ass," the guy responds, "This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
The Ultimate Female Fantasy
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.'
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said,
"Clean my house."
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.'
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said,
"Clean my house."
Benny and Genie
Benny worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.
"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."
Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.
Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.
Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.
The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Thanks for reading
"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."
Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.
Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.
Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.
The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Thanks for reading
This is how Ayesha got married to Shoaib on phone.
Ayesha - "Hello Shoaib Afghanistan ka capital kya hai
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai
Ayesha - Sunai nahi de raha hai!
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai
Ayesha - Arre baba phir se bolo.
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai "Kabul" hai "Kabul" hai
The marriage ceremony was completed..
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai
Ayesha - Sunai nahi de raha hai!
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai
Ayesha - Arre baba phir se bolo.
Shoaib - "Kabul" hai "Kabul" hai "Kabul" hai
The marriage ceremony was completed..
Types of fart
Plain one - One-second duration, nice resonant reverberation, and pungent odor cloud with a nearly instantaneous 5-foot radius. Your standard, everyday, friendly fart.
Eggy - Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bun buster (see below).
Ripper - Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.
Diesel - Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes.
Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'
Gunshot - Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare but, like guns, very dangerous.
Hydrated - The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.
Eggy - Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bun buster (see below).
Ripper - Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.
Diesel - Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes.
Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'
Gunshot - Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare but, like guns, very dangerous.
Hydrated - The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.
I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.
Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.”
“I know the feeling,” the other says.
“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’ve been killing me all day.”
“I know the feeling,” the other says.
“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’ve been killing me all day.”
Show me what you got
A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates.
“Show me what you got, Pete,” said Tex.
St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings.
“We’ve got that in Texas. We call it King Ranch,” said Tex.
St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc.
“We’ve got that, too. We call it Six Flags.”
Whereupon St. Peter threw open a trapdoor of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous.
“We don’t have that,” said Tex, “but we’ve got a guy in Houston who can put it out.”
“Show me what you got, Pete,” said Tex.
St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings.
“We’ve got that in Texas. We call it King Ranch,” said Tex.
St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc.
“We’ve got that, too. We call it Six Flags.”
Whereupon St. Peter threw open a trapdoor of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous.
“We don’t have that,” said Tex, “but we’ve got a guy in Houston who can put it out.”
You're next!
A Irishman suspected his wife of infidelity and began to follow her movements. Sure enough, his suspicions were justified. Coming home from work early, he burst into the bedroom, catching his wife and her lover in the act; and, crazed with grief, he put the pistol to his own head.
"Don't laugh!" he shouted when his wife burst out in giggles, "You're next!"
"Don't laugh!" he shouted when his wife burst out in giggles, "You're next!"
I recognized the laugh
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!"
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!"
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