A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Now Thats Smart
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. The boys say he is two bricks short of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "No sir, you see if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "No sir, you see if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
Sex Lives
Some women are sitting around after a card party. They start complaining about their sex lives.
First woman moans, "My husband is a musician. All he wants to do is sing to it."
Second woman moans, "My husband is a doctor. All he want to do is examine it."
Third woman moans, "My husband is a psychiatrist. All he wants to do is talk about it."
A big grin on her face, the fourth woman says, " My husband's a mechanic.
On our wedding night he tore the hell out of it, and has been working on it ever since."
First woman moans, "My husband is a musician. All he wants to do is sing to it."
Second woman moans, "My husband is a doctor. All he want to do is examine it."
Third woman moans, "My husband is a psychiatrist. All he wants to do is talk about it."
A big grin on her face, the fourth woman says, " My husband's a mechanic.
On our wedding night he tore the hell out of it, and has been working on it ever since."
Bus Driver
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
Paint the hall
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”
He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”
He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
Reason for a Divorce
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
Men are just happier people
NICKNAMES
. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
. A woman has the last word in any argument.
. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.(hahaha this is funny !!!)
OFFSPRING
. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ...
and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
. A woman has the last word in any argument.
. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.(hahaha this is funny !!!)
OFFSPRING
. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ...
and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Some Women funny facts
- They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
- It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!
- Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!
- It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED.
- It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
- A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
- A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.
- A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
Valentine for Osama
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learnt about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is celebrated for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone else a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride and says, "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him!"
"Since Valentine's Day is celebrated for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone else a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride and says, "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him!"
The Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls .'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi Keith'
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls .'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi Keith'
Reward for Goodness
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
Smart Marketing Speaks
Tipper Gore discovered that her husband's great great uncle, Gunther Gore, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Tennessee in 1889.
The only existing photograph shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription: "Gunther Gore; horse thief. Sent to Tennessee Prison 1883, escaped 1887. Robbed the Tennessee Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."
After letting President Clinton's large staff of professional image consultants review this discovery, they took the following actions to assist Al's campaign to become our next president. They decided to crop Gunther's picture, scan it in as an enlarged image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that is seen in the final picture is a head shot. Along with this enhanced photo, the accompanying biographical sketch was sent to the Associated Press:
"Gunther Gore was a famous cattleman in early Tennessee history. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Tennessee railroad company. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his business enterprise with the railroad. In 1887 he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889 Gunther regrettably died suddenly during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform on which he was standing collapsed."
The only existing photograph shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription: "Gunther Gore; horse thief. Sent to Tennessee Prison 1883, escaped 1887. Robbed the Tennessee Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."
After letting President Clinton's large staff of professional image consultants review this discovery, they took the following actions to assist Al's campaign to become our next president. They decided to crop Gunther's picture, scan it in as an enlarged image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that is seen in the final picture is a head shot. Along with this enhanced photo, the accompanying biographical sketch was sent to the Associated Press:
"Gunther Gore was a famous cattleman in early Tennessee history. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Tennessee railroad company. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his business enterprise with the railroad. In 1887 he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889 Gunther regrettably died suddenly during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform on which he was standing collapsed."
Birth control pills
"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce."
"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?"
"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.
"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the
Church says is a sin."
"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "It's because I had a vasectomy over five years ago."
"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?"
"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.
"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the
Church says is a sin."
"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "It's because I had a vasectomy over five years ago."
Sneeze
Doctor, the prescription you gave me makes me have an orgasm every time I sneeze!”
“Have you found anything that helps?” asks the doctor.”
“Sure have”, the patient says. “Pepper”
“Have you found anything that helps?” asks the doctor.”
“Sure have”, the patient says. “Pepper”
This is the pig I sleep with
With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife.
“This is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache,” he says.
The wife looks at him and replies, “That’s not a pig, it’s a sheep.”
He answers, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
“This is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache,” he says.
The wife looks at him and replies, “That’s not a pig, it’s a sheep.”
He answers, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Horse Riding
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Only Species
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.
He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it."
He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay."
He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"
He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it."
He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay."
He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"
Sports bar
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The redhead turns to the blonde and says, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, “All is fair. Here is your money.”
The redhead replies, “Honey, I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”
The blonde replies, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again!”
The redhead turns to the blonde and says, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, “All is fair. Here is your money.”
The redhead replies, “Honey, I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”
The blonde replies, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again!”
$100,000 quiz
Jane was a first time contestant on the $100,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.
Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents.
She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question.
Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.
“I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”
“Relax, honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her. “It will all be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
“Where are you going?” Jane asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon” he replied.
Jane waited impatiently for Roger’s return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin.
“Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is: ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?’”
“And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the penis.’”
Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber.
At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
“The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.
Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth.
Once again, Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.
The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.
“Jane, for $100,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously. “Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?” “Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough,” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS!!!”
Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents.
She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question.
Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.
“I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”
“Relax, honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her. “It will all be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
“Where are you going?” Jane asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon” he replied.
Jane waited impatiently for Roger’s return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin.
“Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is: ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?’”
“And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the penis.’”
Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber.
At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
“The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.
Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth.
Once again, Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.
The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.
“Jane, for $100,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously. “Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?” “Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough,” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS!!!”
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