Poisonous BRA: CoBra
Mathemetical BRA: AlgeBra
Striped BRA: ZeBra
Strongest BRA:VerteBra
Sun-sign BRA: LiBra
And u thought u knew all abt BRA!
Divorce Letter
Dear hubby,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell..
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
_________________________________________
FOLLOWING IS THE RESPONSE FROM THE HUSBAND
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & gripe Too bad that oesn’t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago..
About those new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as Carla (woman) ……… .I hope that’s not a problem
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell..
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
_________________________________________
FOLLOWING IS THE RESPONSE FROM THE HUSBAND
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & gripe Too bad that oesn’t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago..
About those new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as Carla (woman) ……… .I hope that’s not a problem
Do u have a ......
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'.
She slams the door again
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.
Do you have vagina'
'Yes' she says
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'.
She slams the door again
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.
Do you have vagina'
'Yes' she says
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
Women never listen
Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Read remaining...
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Read remaining...
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Can’t take that chance
A man and his nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?”
The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.” Shaking his head, he continued, “I just can’t take that chance.”
The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?”
The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.” Shaking his head, he continued, “I just can’t take that chance.”
Tennis Ball
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.
Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.
"What do you have in your pocket?" she asked.
"Tennis ball, the man said smiling back.
"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"
Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.
"What do you have in your pocket?" she asked.
"Tennis ball, the man said smiling back.
"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"
Missing Husband
A woman calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the woman next door tells the police,
"You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.
" The neighbor then goes and asks the woman why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the woman next door tells the police,
"You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.
" The neighbor then goes and asks the woman why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
Bus Ride
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana . The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top-level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
Talking Parrot
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their lovemaking.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't stop.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!"
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't stop.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!"
Bra Sizes
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs
{B} Barely there
{C} Can't Complain
{D} Dang
{DD} Double Dang
{E} Enormous
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
{A} Almost Boobs
{B} Barely there
{C} Can't Complain
{D} Dang
{DD} Double Dang
{E} Enormous
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
A Duck?
Max Brown, a young father-to-be, was waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife was giving birth to their first baby. As he paced the floor, a nurse popped her head around the door.
"It's a boy, Mr. Brown," she said, "But we think you'd better go and have a cup of coffee because there might be another!"
Max turned a little pale and left. Some time later, he rang the hospital and was told he was the father of twins.
"But," the nurse went on, "We're sure there's another on the way. Ring back again in a little while."
At that, Max decided that coffee was not nearly strong enough. He ordered a few beers and rang the hospital again, only to be told a third baby had arrived and a fourth was imminent.
Whitefaced, he stumbled to the bar and ordered a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tried the phone again, but he was in such a state that he dialed the wrong number and got the recorded cricket score.
When they picked him up off the floor of the phone box, the recording was still going strong, "The score is 96 all out, and the last one was a duck."
"It's a boy, Mr. Brown," she said, "But we think you'd better go and have a cup of coffee because there might be another!"
Max turned a little pale and left. Some time later, he rang the hospital and was told he was the father of twins.
"But," the nurse went on, "We're sure there's another on the way. Ring back again in a little while."
At that, Max decided that coffee was not nearly strong enough. He ordered a few beers and rang the hospital again, only to be told a third baby had arrived and a fourth was imminent.
Whitefaced, he stumbled to the bar and ordered a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tried the phone again, but he was in such a state that he dialed the wrong number and got the recorded cricket score.
When they picked him up off the floor of the phone box, the recording was still going strong, "The score is 96 all out, and the last one was a duck."
It's all in the family.
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient,
"How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got this reply...
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely
stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.
Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"
"How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got this reply...
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely
stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.
Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"
Contribution for Boss........ .......
Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.
Some are in loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They ask, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
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"About 10 litres."
Some are in loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They ask, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
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"About 10 litres."
Missing Wife
A man calls into the police station and says,
"My wife is missing."The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream,then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."
"My wife is missing."The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream,then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."
Cold Balls
Three women are talking about their boyfriends.
"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blow job!"
"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"
They turn to the third girl.
"That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"
"You're crazy," one of the girls pipes up. "A good blow job is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"
She says she'll think about it.
The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blow job novice is sporting a wicked shiner.
"Whoa!" the first girl asks, "How did you get that black eye?!"
"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said.
"What on earth for?!" the second girl asks.
"I don't know," she replied. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!"
"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blow job!"
"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"
They turn to the third girl.
"That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"
"You're crazy," one of the girls pipes up. "A good blow job is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"
She says she'll think about it.
The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blow job novice is sporting a wicked shiner.
"Whoa!" the first girl asks, "How did you get that black eye?!"
"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said.
"What on earth for?!" the second girl asks.
"I don't know," she replied. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!"
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