A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India .
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and havea glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. . . . ........ ............ ........ Would you believe..... .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!
Capitalism
A little boy came up to his father and asked: daddy, what is political corruption?!
His father looked strangely on him and said: well son, you wouldn’t understand now, but I will make it close to you: I pay money on this house, so call me the capitalism…
Your mom is organizing this house matters, so lets call her the government…
And you are at her disposal, so lets call you…the people…
And your little brother is our hope…so we shall call him…the future….
However, for our maid who lives with us and we support her, so we shall call her…the hard working labor…
Go off son and think about that, may be you shall understand now…
So late at night, the little boy kept thinking about this and couldn’t sleep, he got up at night hearing his little baby brother crying….
He checked him and found him soaked in dirt as his diaper was full of shit….
He went to call his mommy, but found her in deep sleep…..!
So boy goes to check his dad, he went up to maid’s room and looked thru door hole, he finds his dad sleeping with maid…..
So next day, the little boy goes straight to his dad and says: well daddy I know now what political corruption is….
Well sonny…what is it? Replied his father strangely….
When capitalism screws around with the hard working labor, and government is sleeping off, the people is left unattended and the future is deep in shit…….:))
His father looked strangely on him and said: well son, you wouldn’t understand now, but I will make it close to you: I pay money on this house, so call me the capitalism…
Your mom is organizing this house matters, so lets call her the government…
And you are at her disposal, so lets call you…the people…
And your little brother is our hope…so we shall call him…the future….
However, for our maid who lives with us and we support her, so we shall call her…the hard working labor…
Go off son and think about that, may be you shall understand now…
So late at night, the little boy kept thinking about this and couldn’t sleep, he got up at night hearing his little baby brother crying….
He checked him and found him soaked in dirt as his diaper was full of shit….
He went to call his mommy, but found her in deep sleep…..!
So boy goes to check his dad, he went up to maid’s room and looked thru door hole, he finds his dad sleeping with maid…..
So next day, the little boy goes straight to his dad and says: well daddy I know now what political corruption is….
Well sonny…what is it? Replied his father strangely….
When capitalism screws around with the hard working labor, and government is sleeping off, the people is left unattended and the future is deep in shit…….:))
The Indian Engineer
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars.
“I wish to give a million to my family”, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was an Indian Engineer.
When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
He Replied, “$1 million is for you, I will keep $1million, and well give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars”.
Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars.
“I wish to give a million to my family”, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was an Indian Engineer.
When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
He Replied, “$1 million is for you, I will keep $1million, and well give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars”.
Loving and caring wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
Miniskirt Blues
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! " At this the Texan drawled " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that maybe we were friends."
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! " At this the Texan drawled " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that maybe we were friends."
Pest Problem
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house??????
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house??????
Why professionals are Dirty?
The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."
The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."
The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."
The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."
The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."
The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
Can you guess my age ?
Julie decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On her way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, she says to the sales clerk:
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 31," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," Julie says, feeling really happy.
After that, she goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 35".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while sitting in a restaurant, she asks a man sitting near her-
"How old do you think I am ?"
He replies, "My eyesight fails me however, when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand down your bra and play with your boobs for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, Julie thinks: What the hell and lets him slip his hand down her bra.
Ten minutes later, the man says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the Julie says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The Man replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Before leaving, she says to the sales clerk:
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 31," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," Julie says, feeling really happy.
After that, she goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 35".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while sitting in a restaurant, she asks a man sitting near her-
"How old do you think I am ?"
He replies, "My eyesight fails me however, when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand down your bra and play with your boobs for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, Julie thinks: What the hell and lets him slip his hand down her bra.
Ten minutes later, the man says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the Julie says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The Man replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Blonde Mother
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast is hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
She says, “Why, Officer?”
“Because your breast is hanging out.”
She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus !”
She says, “Why, Officer?”
“Because your breast is hanging out.”
She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus !”
HUSBANDS FOR SALE ! !
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Blonde in a Snowstorm
A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembers her father's advice, "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing. She explains the advice her father had given her. The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing. She explains the advice her father had given her. The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank.
Women's T-Shirt Sayings
- Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
- I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
- Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
- I hate everybody, and you're next.
- Please don't make me kill you.
- And your point is...?
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
- I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
- Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
- You KNOW you want me.
- Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...
- Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
- I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
- You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
- Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
- You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
- All stressed out and no one to choke.
- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
- If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
- I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
SO YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY!
Whoever put this together is some kind of genius......it would have taken him or her a month of Sundays. Happy reading and enjoy.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
17) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
18) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
19) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
17) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
18) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
19) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Hillarious URLs:
In today's world the Key is a good domain Name....
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… for it… is: www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com.
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… for it… is: www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com.
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
Trophy Girlfriend !
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful looks and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Blondes
A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town.
As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking.
The farmer picked them up, one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back.
As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck.
The farmer couldn’t stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom.
The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later.
They kept waiting for others in the back to come up.
The farmer said, “I wonder where they are?”
The blonde said, “May be they drowned.”
About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer asked, “What the Hell took you so long?”
The four blondes said, “We had a devil of a time getting that fucking tailgate open!"
As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking.
The farmer picked them up, one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back.
As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck.
The farmer couldn’t stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom.
The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later.
They kept waiting for others in the back to come up.
The farmer said, “I wonder where they are?”
The blonde said, “May be they drowned.”
About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer asked, “What the Hell took you so long?”
The four blondes said, “We had a devil of a time getting that fucking tailgate open!"
Equal Privileges
A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.
The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active.
After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.
After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.
After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!
The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active.
After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.
After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.
After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!
Goodnight, Goodbye!
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.'
The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.' The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a Strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and Goodbye Grandma.' The next day the grandmother died.
'Holy carp" thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: 'God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.' He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every Sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work So late, what's the matter?'
He said 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.'
She replied, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!
The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.' The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a Strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and Goodbye Grandma.' The next day the grandmother died.
'Holy carp" thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: 'God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.' He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every Sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work So late, what's the matter?'
He said 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.'
She replied, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!
Women VS Beer
Most men like women. But, most men like beer too ! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer ! Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai , in India ... to help you analyze which is better ! Here is the debate .......
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not !
1 point for beer !
Beer is horrible, when it is hot !
1 point for women !
A cold beer, satisfies you !
1 point for beer !
If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you.
If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again !
Draw ! ( Depends on your point of view ... )
10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere !
1 point for women !
The older, The beer is - the better, it is !
1 point for beer !
Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God !
1 point for women !
If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women !
For a beer, you pay taxes !
1 point for women !
If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry !
1 point for beer !
You can always be sure that, you are the first one " Opening " a beer !
1 point for beer !
If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself !
1 point for beer !
You know exactly how much a beer costs !
1 point for beer !
A beer does not have a mother !
1 point for beer !
You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after !
1 point for beer !
So the Score is ........... Beer beats women - 9 to 6 !
If you are a woman reading this and getting angry ......... know that a beer would never get angry ! So .......... Another point for beer !
Now the final score is .......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6 !
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not !
1 point for beer !
Beer is horrible, when it is hot !
1 point for women !
A cold beer, satisfies you !
1 point for beer !
If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you.
If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again !
Draw ! ( Depends on your point of view ... )
10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere !
1 point for women !
The older, The beer is - the better, it is !
1 point for beer !
Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God !
1 point for women !
If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women !
For a beer, you pay taxes !
1 point for women !
If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry !
1 point for beer !
You can always be sure that, you are the first one " Opening " a beer !
1 point for beer !
If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself !
1 point for beer !
You know exactly how much a beer costs !
1 point for beer !
A beer does not have a mother !
1 point for beer !
You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after !
1 point for beer !
So the Score is ........... Beer beats women - 9 to 6 !
If you are a woman reading this and getting angry ......... know that a beer would never get angry ! So .......... Another point for beer !
Now the final score is .......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6 !
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